Traditions
by Sumiregusa
Summary: "Sometimes she thought he did care for her in the way that she hoped. She sometimes thought she saw it in a brief look or a tone of voice, a gentle but fleeting touch, but it was gone before she had time to really analyse it." Post-Jinchu, manga-verse, canon setting, Ken/Kao. Rated M for some smuttiness.


13/11/14 – Another repost! Editing this has been an actual nightmare, but hopefully I've cleaned up all the punctuation and such to a much higher level this time around. I know this is the one most of you have been asking for, so… Ta-da! :)

000

Author Note: So, this is an old idea that I have to admit was first introduced to me while reading The Tale of Genji. It's still canon, I've just taken some historical liberties with how Kenshin and Kaoru's relationship might progress. Hope you enjoy it anyway!

000

Kaoru knelt silently in the Dojo, eyes closed as she concentrated on her breathing and tried to find inner calm. There was very little noise, a few birds singing outside and the early May wind pushing through the leaves of nearby trees. She could hear her own breathing, and tried to ignore it as it picked up speed slightly at the accompanying sound of swishing water and the familiar thunk of the laundry being washed in the giant wooden tub in the yard. Her forehead creased slightly as she attempted to close out the image of red hair and smiling violet eyes this evoked.

The sounds were so quiet, she knew it was ridiculous that she could hear them, wondering vaguely if it was just her mind playing tricks on her and she had at last gone completely insane. No one could blame her if she had. Living with said red-head for well over a year was enough to drive anyone mad, she was certain of it, and from regular written correspondence with Misao, she wasn't alone in her supposition. Every single letter from the diminutive ninja for the past eight months, since she and Aoshi had left after all that trouble with Enishi had begun with, 'did he ask you yet?' Normally followed by launching into her own troubles and reflecting on the stupidity of men in general. It didn't matter that Kaoru's own letters of reply usually began in much the same way.

Face twitching in annoyance as she tried harder to not think about it, Kaoru soon realised it was a lost cause, as the loud cascade of water being tipped into a bucket seemed to echo around her mind. Her eyes opened as she sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat. No, there would be no peace of mind for her today. Why should there be? Since the beginning of the month and the slow march of days counted down by the calendar, she had become more and more restless. It wasn't really surprising, but still, she hated to feel this way. It made her feel pitiful, and that was something she went out of her way _not_ to feel. At least if she could help it.

So perhaps on certain days when Kenshin looked at her in some indescribable way, then walked away as though it was nothing, or on lonely nights when all she could think was how there was only a thin wall between their rooms, perhaps she felt more than a little pathetic. Still, she had promised to be supportive to him, to be there to help when and if he needed it, and despite her own romantic attachment, she couldn't and wouldn't expect more from him. How could she? He had stayed with her, and she told herself that was enough. It _was_ enough. It had to be. So what if she was stark, raving head over heels with the man? He quite clearly didn't feel the same, and that was fine. Fine.

Before she knew what she was doing, her head had slumped down into her hands and she groaned loudly. Okay, so it wasn't fine at all, who was she kidding? It tore her apart each and every time she saw him, and frankly, that was really quite often. He had been living with her for about a year and five months, and they had been alone here since September. She would be lying if she said that she had hoped things would progress at least a little in that time, but Kenshin seemed content for them to go on as friends, or at best, brother and sister.

Kaoru groaned again. She didn't want to be his sister! She didn't even want to be his friend, at least, not _only_ his friend, although she would never admit that. She wanted to grab him inappropriately and drag him off somewhere private so she could do terrible, unspeakable things to him, but she would never admit that, either. Now it was May again, and she just didn't know how she was going to cope. It was hard enough just getting through day to day life, wondering if he felt anything at all, hoping that he did, questioning if he only stayed because he felt sorry for her, or if it was more than that.

Sometimes she thought he did care for her in the way that she hoped. She sometimes thought she saw it in a brief look or a tone of voice, a gentle but fleeting touch, but it was gone before she had time to really analyse it. Then she would berate herself for looking too hard and seeing things that weren't really there.

For a while she had thought that he did love her but was still looking for closure, but moments after pondering this she felt pathetic again and brushed it away. It was hard to swallow, but she just had to get over it. Kenshin didn't return her feelings, and he never would.

Pushing herself up from her kneeling position on the hard wooden floor, she gave up on meditation today. She wanted something physical to keep her busy now that her mind was starting to slip into self-pity. Kaoru imagined Megumi's smug, irritating face whenever she started to get depressed like this and it made her smile in spite of herself. The lady doctor wrote occasionally, but she was busy with her new practice in Aizu, so correspondence was less frequent than between herself and Misao. Truth be told, she missed her. She missed the way she kept her on track. Perhaps she would write to her now? That was what she needed to keep herself busy.

Sliding open the Shoji and stepping out into the brisk, spring air, her eyes instantly met with Kenshin's. He was looking at her with concern that she could clearly see even from this distance as he straightened from the laundry and began to dry his hands. Wondering what the problem was, Kaoru tilted her head to the side and smiled questioningly as she walked over to him.

Kenshin seemed to somehow shake himself and smiled back. "You have finished early today, Kaoru-dono. Is everything alright?"

"Oh no, I just can't concentrate today," she admitted, then wanted to kick herself when the concern returned to his face. "I wanted to write to Megumi. Did you have anything you wanted me to pass on or are you sending something separate?"

Kaoru always asked this of him, never knowing if perhaps he might have anything private he wanted to send. The idea grated against her nerves quite severely, but still, she always made sure to ask. After all, perhaps they had all been wrong, and it was Megumi he had affection for? Who could blame him if he did?

As always though, he seemed a little bemused and surprised by the idea, but smiled anyway. "Thank you, Kaoru-dono, but no. Just send her our well wishes."

"Okay Kenshin," she nodded, trying to ignore the way her heart fluttered when he said 'our' as though they were a couple. "I might write to Misao while I'm at it and get them sent off tomorrow. Perhaps we could stop by the Akabeko for lunch?"

"Tae-dono was asking after you this morning when I bumped into her," Kenshin informed her, his eyes searching. "She seemed concerned for you. Are you certain all is well?"

For a moment she floundered, wondering is perhaps she should tell him of her concerns, tell him how hard this month would be for her and why, but one look at his worried face made her swallow it all back instantly. He didn't need this from her. He had his own issues to wrestle with without having hers to contend with as well.

"I'm fine, Kenshin," she forced a laugh and swatted his arm playfully. "I just haven't seen her for a while. I guess she's just wondering where I've been."

He seemed to be weighing her words and for a fleeting moment Kaoru felt guilt for lying, before remembering that she was doing it to spare him. He, on the other hand, didn't seem to want to be spared, and placed his hand gently on her shoulder. "If something is troubling you, I hope you know you can always trust me."

"I know," she agreed, her voice a little too high as she stepped away from him in the hopes of beating a hasty retreat. "I'm fine though, Kenshin. Really. You worry too much."

Kenshin didn't push the issue, but the smile he wore looked somehow self-mocking as he watched her back away, "would you like me to heat the bath for you, Kaoru-Dono?"

And with that one question, things returned to normality once more.

000

Trying to ignore the two half-opened letters on the table in front of him, Kenshin's fingers drummed absently against the hilt of his Sakabato. Kaoru had written them yesterday afternoon and placed them here in readiness to be sent today, opened as always in case he wanted to add anything. She was in the Dojo now, training with Yahiko and young Shinichi, who seemed to be coming along very well, and the temptation to read her letters was terrible.

Kenshin supposed it was a little beneath him to resort to this kind of tactic, but in all reality, he had done far worse in the past. Still, the thing keeping him from committing such an invasion of privacy right now was the trust that Kaoru had in him. She had left them open so that he could write his own letters if he chose and they could save on postage, obviously not thinking for a moment that he would use the opportunity to read hers.

He was worried for her. She had become quiet and withdrawn the last few weeks, each morning staring at the calendar and ripping away yesterday's page with a sigh, her expression pensive. It was as though she was counting down towards something that upset her, and every day brought it just a little closer. He had offered on more than one occasion for her to confide in him, but stubborn as always, she insisted there was nothing the matter.

Did she honestly think he couldn't tell? That he couldn't see the weight of worry pressing down on her, and becoming heavier each day? She had become so uneasy, and not just with him, either. It seemed that any male presence was enough to set her off kilter these days, to the point where she hadn't been training at other Dojo since the beginning of the month. She hadn't made mention of it to him, but so many of her other students were asking after her, her sudden disappearance had caused a lot of concern. Even when they went out to market, she seemed almost afraid to interact with anyone, going out of her way to avoid those she knew, or finding some excuse to rush off if a meeting became inevitable. He was surprised she had offered to go into town with him today, the last few times he had suggested it being declined entirely.

Kenshin glared at the letters, sitting mockingly upon the table before him. Women talked, he knew they did, and if she was going to tell anyone, it would more than likely be Misao or Megumi. He had hoped to corner Tae yesterday, but it seemed that she knew even less than he did, her own concern for Kaoru really quite palpable. Then again, Tae herself had seemed a little strange. Not as edgy as Kaoru, but still nervous somehow. It was as though there was some kind of silent buzz in the air that he had no understanding of, and it was beginning to irritate him.

Placing his hands flat on the table top, he continued to stare at the letters. What was it about this time of year that would cause Kaoru to act this way? He had been with her through the anniversary of her father's death, so it wasn't that. It had been a hard time for her, but at least she had been up front with him about the reason for her sadness. They had visited his grave together, and he had listened to her telling stories of him all day and most of the night. It had been awful to watch her so in pain, but he could at least be there for her. He could comfort her and keep her company through her grief. This, however, whatever _this_ was, he had been shut out from, and it hurt.

He loved her, despite his hardest efforts not to, and even though he knew things were moving slowly between them, he had hoped that by now she relied on him enough to tell him when something was troubling her. It was true that it hadn't been what could be considered a 'normal' courtship, but then again, they weren't really a normal couple. He, at least, had no claim to normalcy, his notorious past being the main crux of the matter, and he wanted to give Kaoru every opportunity he could to back away. Kenshin knew her well enough by now to realise that she would have no qualms about living her life in the way that was right for her, but still he was concerned that if he was too fast in revealing the depth and breadth of his feelings for her, she would rush in headlong, and perhaps regret it later.

It didn't matter that he wanted nothing more than for the two of them to simply forget all the issues and difficulties, and just be together as he yearned for day and night. He needed her to be certain, and he needed her to understand exactly what it would mean to be his wife. Kenshin knew that she hadn't exactly lived a sheltered existence, despite what many people seemed to believe, but Kaoru still had such an innocent, headstrong nature, and he had no wish to drag her light into the shadows of his own life unless she was certain. He needed her to be certain.

It never ceased to amaze him that she cared for him at all, let alone as more than a simple friend, and he recalled his complete and absolute shock when she had bared her heart to him and admitted that she wanted to be with him forever. He had always suspected that she entertained some sort of crush on him, but like most other women, he had assumed it was something fleeting that was sparked by nothing more than his unusual colouring. He didn't really understand the interest, but it wasn't unusual for him to stand out in that way and so he paid it very little attention, expecting entirely for it to pass by quickly.

Of course, by now he realised his error, knowing that although Kaoru would have risked her life for anyone, a trait that gave him more than a little cause for concern sometimes, there was something more to it between them. He had never been loved the way Kaoru loved him, so unconditionally and with her whole heart and soul, it had seemed to sneak up on him without any real warning. Looking back now, after seeing the overwhelming emotions filling her bright blue eyes when she looked at him that afternoon on the bridge, he realised that he had been a fool for dismissing it as a girlish fancy. He should have realised that someone with such a great capacity for love as Kaoru had wouldn't ever feel something so superficial. It was why he loved her, along with her strength and exuberance, and there were days when it was hard for him to remember to keep his distance.

Yesterday, for example, when she had come out of the Dojo looking so incredibly forlorn, it took all of his self-restraint not to go to her and wrap her in his arms until she told him everything that was upsetting her. Sometimes he wondered if it was him that was hurting her by maintaining the distance and enforcing the long, tentative courtship, but he was certain that she understood why. It was true they had never spoken of it, but then, the whole situation was pretty much unspoken. Kenshin knew that she realised it was just his nature to be so, but sometimes she looked at him with such sadness, he wondered if perhaps he should just swallow his embarrassment and tell her clearly what his intentions were. Then again, if he did take that road, he knew she would become more impatient and perhaps he would hurt her more?

Sighing heavily he watched as the letters fluttered slightly with the force of his exhale. If only he knew for sure, things would be so much simpler. He could hear Kaoru and the boys in the Dojo still, but knew they were winding down to a close for the morning. If he was going to do this, it needed to be now.

Taking a deep breath, Kenshin picked up the letters and surveyed the neatly written addresses with a mild admiration, before carefully sealing them both.

000

For the first time ever, Kaoru wished she wasn't with Kenshin. She didn't really know why she had suggested they go out together like this, but now that they were here in the market after sending off her letters, she regretted it. There was a good reason she had become a bit of a social recluse the last week or so, and now she was here in public with lots of people looking speculatively her way, she remembered why. Right now she just wanted to get to the Akabeko and hide out with Tae, but she really _really _wished that Kenshin wasn't there.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy his company, quite the opposite, but right now she didn't need to be drawing attention to herself and she wanted to talk to Tae privately. There was always so much speculation about the relationship between herself and Kenshin, and at first everyone had assumed they were an item, perhaps even already married, but after much vehement denial on her part and the ever turning rumour mill, there had begun to be whispers that maybe Kamiya Kaoru was still available. Looking back now, she wished she had simply kept silent about the whole thing, then maybe she wouldn't be in this predicament.

Kaoru realised that her annoyance must have been plain on her face when she looked up and saw Kenshin watching her questioningly. He had been looking at her with that expression more and more lately, and while she knew she ought to warn him of the upcoming problem, she really didn't even know how to broach the subject. It was awkward and a little... embarrassing, somehow. She didn't really want him to know her concern, at least in this matter. She would deal with it herself.

"Kaoru-dono...?" He began, a little uncertainly.

"Ah! We're here at last!" Kaoru cut him off, speeding up slightly to get to the main door of the Akabeko. "I'm so hungry today! How about you?"

She didn't wait for him to answer, but entered the building with a big smile. Tae saw her instantly and waved from the table she was serving. Kaoru waved back even as Kenshin ducked through the door behind her, smiling politely at Tae as she acknowledged him too. She hoped that perhaps because they were both there, it would deter the other from saying anything she didn't want them to. What she didn't bank on was her student being at work this afternoon.

"What are you two doing here?" Yahiko frowned, arms folded seriously. "I thought you were staying out the way for a while?"

Kaoru was torn between hitting herself and hitting the boy, but restrained both impulses and laughed a little forcedly. "Oh well, you know how it is! My cooking is so bad, and I hate to ask Kenshin to keep making dinner. I guess I just felt like we should eat out for once!"

Even as she said it, she realised her massive error. Despite knowing how bad her food was, she made a point of never, _ever _putting it down herself. Both Kenshin and Yahiko looked a more than a little surprised at her words. Stupid Yahiko. It wasn't as though he didn't know why she was behaving this way. It was like he was deliberately stirring up trouble!

"So Yahiko, are you going to seat us or what?" she asked. "Or if you have a break coming up, maybe you could eat with us?"

If all else failed with Yahiko, the best way to get what you wanted was to bribe him with food. The boy was a walking stomach, after all.

"No, I'm taking my break later with Tsubame," the boy responded, looking as curiously up at her as Kenshin was now doing. "Hey, speaking of which, did you get a chance to talk to her parents ye-?"

"Hello Tae!" Kaoru cut across him before he said anything else incriminating. "How are you today? It's been a while!"

"Kaoru-chan!" Tae took her hand and smiled, looking questioningly back at the two males behind her friend that looked completely befuddled. "I've been meaning to talk to you."

"Oh, um, okay," she was struggling now, juggling all three people and trying to make sure that she didn't say anything she shouldn't. This would all be so much easier if only Kenshin wasn't here!

Tae seemed to sense her discomfort and amended her words quickly. "Perhaps you and I could go for tea sometime soon?"

"Yes!" Kaoru said far too quickly. "Yes Tae, that would be wonderful. It's been such a long time since you and I talked alone, hasn't it? Just let me know whenever you're free."

She could feel her face heating as everyone continued to look at her, but again Tae saved the day by ushering them to their table, chatting amicably about how busy the day had been so far. Just before she walked away though, making certain to let Kenshin go first, Kaoru turned slightly and touched Yahiko's shoulder reassuringly. "We'll talk tomorrow."

When she reached their booth, Kenshin continued to look at her strangely as Tae bustled off to see other patrons, and she knew that he would have heard her despite the hubbub of the restaurant. Kaoru ducked her head, a little shame-faced, and looked at the menu for a long time. Why was it that he was only this perceptive when she didn't want him to be? Why did he have to hear all the wrong things? And why had she even suggested this ridiculous excursion?

"Kaoru-dono..."

"I think the same as always, don't you, Kenshin?" she interrupted him again, not wanting him to ask her anything she would have to lie about.

"Kaoru-dono?"

"I don't like to experiment too much sometimes, you know?" she continued. "It's nice to have something you already know you like."

"Kaoru-dono, please?" Suddenly, his warm hand was on hers, and reacting quicker than her brain could keep up, she instantly pulled away and gasped in shock. Kenshin let her go, apparently just as surprised as she was, his eyes wide as she knew her own must be, before lowering his hand and looking down at his lap. "Forgive me."

"No Kenshin, please. I'm the one... I..," her voice was a little raspy from her shallow breathing, but she somehow felt she had damaged something precious by jumping away from him in such a way. "I'm sorry, I just didn't expect... I wasn't... I didn't mean..."

"I understand," he assured her, smiling at last, but blushing a little uncomfortably. "I should not have startled you. I apologise."

Kaoru almost hated him for making something as awful as a blush look so good, knowing that right now her own face just looked like a tomato, but she smiled back shyly and laughed. "It's fine, Kenshin. I guess I'm just a little jumpy lately."

Again, her stupid mouth had run away with her, and Kenshin looked suddenly expectant. Kaoru knew she couldn't keep slipping up like this and getting away with it. He was truly beginning to become concerned for her and she didn't want that. If only she could find some way to brush it off as nothing without actually telling him anything _or_ lying.

Thankfully, a shadow stopped over the table and looking up to order their food, Kaoru was more than a little taken aback to see a tall man that she only vaguely recognised as a student from a neighbouring Dojo. He looked a little uncomfortable as he bowed formally, but when he turned to address Kenshin, Kaoru felt her heart sink.

"Himura-san, please forgive my intrusion, but I wish to speak to you with regards to your ward, Kamiya-san."

Kaoru couldn't help herself. She immediately burst out laughing.

000

Kenshin watched in complete amazement as Kaoru dissolved into a helpless fit of giggles at the cryptic words of the young man. The stranger looked just as perplexed as he did, apparently not expecting this reaction any more than Kenshin had expected to have Kaoru referred to as his ward.

"I'm sorry," Kaoru gasped, wiping her eyes and trying to calm herself. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me. It's Katashi-kun, right?"

The young man nodded mutely and Kaoru stood carefully, bowing politely to him as she did. "Kenshin isn't my guardian or anything like that. I'm not his... his _ward._"

Again, she looked fit curl up in merriment, but somehow managed to restrain herself as Katashi asked. "You're not?"

"No, I'm not," Kaoru smiled a little ruefully and choked back another giggle. "I'm really not."

"But I thought...?"

"Hm, yes, I know," for some reason Kaoru was flat out refusing to look at him as she motioned for Katashi to follow her away from the booth. "Why don't you and I step outside for a moment and have a talk? I can explain things."

Now alone, Kenshin wondered what on Earth that had been about. His ward? He knew that there was an age gap between himself and Kaoru, but for someone to think her his daughter was more than a little disconcerting. He was a good ten years her senior, it wasn't really a secret, but still...

All at once he became aware of the subtle stares in his direction from the other patrons, and again he felt the same sense of a silent buzz around the place. He knew he was missing something crucial, and he was determined to find out what it was. In a way, despite discomfort that the young Katashi's assumption had brought, he almost wished that Kaoru had not been here so he might have known what it was he had wanted to ask. He had approached him as though asking a father for his daughters hand in marriage...

The thought hit Kenshin like a bolt of lightning, and before he realised what he was doing, he had lurched forward to stand, and knocked over the small table in his haste. Ignoring the sick pain in his kneecap where the wood had made contact, he righted himself and the table, babbling apologies to Tae who had rushed over to see what the ruckus was about. All but falling from the booth, he went to exit the building, but found himself stopped by a sharp tug on his sleeve.

"Not out the front," tutted Yahiko, dragging him towards the kitchens. "You don't want her to catch you, right?"

Following silently, his heart pounding in his chest, Kenshin wondered why he was suddenly so ill at ease. He and Kaoru had an understanding, didn't they? Or did they? He had never said anything to her, he had just assumed... What if he had been mistaken all along? What if she didn't know how he felt? What if she perceived his careful handling of her as neglect? Worse still, what if he had been mistaken entirely and she felt nothing more for him than friendship, or the love between and brother and sister?

His stomach lurched unpleasantly at this thought, and he almost stumbled out of the back door as Yahiko cautiously led him out. The boy turned and pressed his forefinger to his lips in a gesture meant to silence, and Kenshin briefly wondered how an ex-hitokiri could become so befuddled that a twelve year old needed to tell him how to be stealthy. The sound of Kaoru's voice speaking quietly, and as they moved to hide behind the corner so that they were out of sight, Kenshin hoped that she would be putting the boy straight about what was what.

"...I understand why you may have thought that way, Katashi-kun, I really do," Kaoru sounded for all the world like she wanted to laugh again. "I know what the rumours are, and I'm sorry that you were misled in such a way."

Kenshin almost sighed loudly in relief as his doubts were laid to rest once more. For a moment he had feared that he had behaved like a blind fool, almost costing himself something so precious, he was unsure he would ever recover if she was lost to him.

"So what is he to you then?" The young man asked, his own voice strained and irritated. "If he is not your guardian and he is not your husband, why does he live with you?"

"It's a little strange to most people, I suppose," Kaoru admitted quietly. "But please believe me when I say that Kenshin and I are simply very close friends."

The words caused something to constrict painfully in his chest as he felt his calm once again shatter. Had he been so mistaken? Could he have been such a fool? Of course that's all she saw for them. He had selfishly believed his affections returned, despite the danger it placed her in, and now his silence and traditionalism had cost him a higher price than he believed he could pay. This was retribution. This was better than he knew he deserved.

"Then who should I speak with?" Katashi sounded near desperate now, even as Kenshin was only half listening. "Do you have any other family I could present myself to?"

"Just me," Kaoru suddenly sounded uncomfortable and Kenshin wondered vaguely how well she knew this boy. "But please Katashi-kun, I really don't think you should pursue this matter any further, as I have no real plans for marriage, and this particular tradition is one I'm not fond of."

Hope re-kindled in Kenshin's heart. She was rejecting the boy?

"All girls say that," Katashi seemed to snort. "But since you have no family, I wonder at your bashfulness, Kamiya-san? Surely a woman such as yourself must plan to marry sometime?"

His pulse quickened at the sharp annoyance in her tone as she responded. "Well, I'm not _all girls_, I'm afraid, and I think you might be confusing 'bashfulness' with 'I'm really not interested'. Thank you for your enquiry, but I'm perfectly content as I am."

"What I'm asking isn't wrong, Kamiya-san," he persisted, apparently missing the warning edge to Kaoru's voice that by now would have even Sano backing off if he were still here and on the receiving end. "All of our parents met this way. It's an acceptable tradition, even in this new Meiji Era."

"Now look here, Katashi-kun," her voice was suddenly shrill and angry. "If you think for one moment that I find anything about this acceptable, then you have another thought coming..."

Even as Kaoru launched into her tirade, Yahiko was once again pulling at his clothes back towards the door, whispering. "Come on! Out round the front so you can step in and back her up! Girls love that kind of crap."

Kenshin was loathe to leave now, on the verge of perhaps having all his questions answered, but the boy was insistent, and he had no wish for Kaoru to find them here listening to her conversation. He would simply do as Yahiko suggested, and pretend he had caught the tail end when he came out to check she was well. Of course, he had no intention of using the confrontation to win some kind of personal favour for himself in her eyes, and absolutely had no plans to begin taking romantic advice from Yahiko, but still, he might be needed to keep Kaoru from getting dragged off by the police for beating a man near to death.

As they ducked back into the restaurant, however, they were both stopped short by Kaoru marching in through the front door bad temperedly and suddenly glaring at them both.

"What are you two staring at?" She snapped, shoving past them to sit back in their booth where Tae was just laying out tea. "Men, Tae. Men!"

Tae laughed lightly and patted her on the shoulder comfortingly. "I know what you mean, Kaoru-san. They either say too much, or nothing at all."

As she said the last sentence, her gaze turned directly to Kenshin and her eyebrow quirked slightly. Kaoru huffed her agreement before chugging back a cup of tea, completely regardless of how hot it must have been and continued to ignore them. He had been a fool. An idiot, as his Master had always proclaimed him. He was no longer certain that she felt any real romantic attachment to him, but what he did know that as far as she was concerned, his shy and cautious attempt at courtship was non-existent. He needed to find some way to show her what she meant to him, and hope against all hope that she might feel the same way for him.

Until moments ago he had been lying to himself, silently believing that he could let her go if she so chose, but now he knew better. He wanted to be with her forever too. Perhaps that hadn't been exactly the way she had meant it, who knew? What he _did _know, however, was that he loved her, and he wanted everyone to know that. He wanted to lay claim to her, so that there was no more of this gossip and speculation, so that no more misguided young men sought to take her from him. But how?

As Tae walked away from the table and towards him, she paused briefly and murmured. "I hope you don't plan on leaving again anytime soon, Himura-san."

At last the penny dropped as he watched Kaoru pour herself more tea, her expressive face twitching furiously. That was what was worrying her. Why had he not remembered? Could he truly be so obtuse?

May fourteenth.

000

Finally heading home after what could only be described as a hectic, stressful afternoon, Kaoru could feel her frayed nerves begin to fix themselves at last. The sun was setting on the horizon, casting bright orange and violet streaking across the sky, and while it wasn't exactly warm out, there was a sense of approaching summer in the air. The road was quiet as she and Kenshin walked leisurely back home together, and she wondered what he was thinking about. He had been more quiet than usual this afternoon, and she couldn't help but wonder what he thought about Katashi-kun's slip up earlier. He had seemed just as surprised as she was, but he hadn't said anything, so perhaps he didn't care that much?

That was a depressing thought. Even though he obviously didn't think of her as anything more than a friend, she still hoped he might find it as funny as she had done. That alone would have lightened the mood.

'_Sano would have laughed_.' she thought to herself, shoulders sagging a little. She missed him. She missed Megumi too. Things were so much simpler back then, despite everything, and for the first time in a long while, she keenly felt their loss.

Head bowed slightly, Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise as her vision was suddenly filled by a pink Tsubaki bloom. She glanced up to see Kenshin holding out the flower with a small smile on his face, looking almost apologetic as she stared. Feeling her cheeks heat up, Kaoru had no idea how to react as they both stopped walking and simply watched each other. She was even more surprised when he made the next move by taking a step towards her. He carefully took her hand in his own and placed the pink bloom between her fingers. Still unable to do anything more than stare in shock at his unusually forward behaviour, Kaoru felt her heart beat faster as she accepted the flower. His fingers lingered for only a moment more before he released her and turned away to continue walking.

As she watched his retreating back, she found her voice at last. "Kenshin?"

He paused once again, but didn't turn, and Kaoru stumbled forward to catch him up. She had no idea what to say to him, no idea what he had been trying to convey to her, but she stopped next to him and was almost afraid to look up. Playing with the delicate flower in her hands as she tried to work out what she wanted to say.

He had always been so reticent with his emotions, to everyone. It was just who he was and she knew it. There had been so few occasions when he openly showed affection or deliberately touched her, she was always stunned into silence. Kaoru always hated that on the rare occasions that he opened up it was over before she had a chance to react, so this time she was determined to let him know how much she appreciated it. He would never know that she didn't mind if she always clammed up.

Finally sucking up her fear of seeming pathetic and needy, Kaoru looked up at him, and was further surprised by how red his face was. Blinking rapidly as she took in the strange myriad of emotions that seemed to be passing over his face and his apparent resolve not to look at her, it was all she could do not to laugh.

He was embarrassed?

She supposed it made sense, really. He had grown up with only his Master Hiko for family, and had gone off to war only a year or so older than Yahiko was now, so his emotions were certain to be more repressed than hers were. She already knew that he was a bit of a mess in that area, so why had it never occurred to her that he struggled with showing that he cared?

Oh, she knew he _cared_, of course she did. He was a caring man. That was as much in his nature as being a swordsman was. He displayed his feelings through small acts of kindness that he seemed to distribute evenly, and that was why she had never felt particularly special before. Everyone had told her that by saying goodbye to her the night he had left for Kyoto he had all but proclaimed his attachment to her, but even now she had trouble believing that.

"Kaoru-dono," Kenshin spoke quietly. "It is becoming dark. We should be getting home soon."

She had no idea what any of this meant right now, too afraid to risk getting her hopes up once again in case they were further dashed, but the fact remained that Kenshin had given her a flower, and she wanted to thank him. Perhaps to him it didn't mean much, although his innate discomfort seemed to imply otherwise, but to her it was something to hold onto, something to believe in. Steeling her nerves and reminding herself that she never had a problem touching Yahiko or Sano, Kaoru lay a hand on his forearm and smiled when his head snapped around to look back at her. His eyes were searching and confused, but it wasn't the same kind of concern or expectancy she had only been seeing lately and it gave her courage.

"Thank you, Kenshin," she smiled and forced herself not to look away as she blushed. "No one's ever given me a flower before."

A look of surprise crossed his face. "Really?"

"Yes really," Kaoru couldn't keep herself from laughing lightly and finally looked away from his searching eyes as she joked. "Who would?"

When Kenshin didn't answer her or laugh as she had intended, part of her flinched. Did actually he _agree_ with her? After all, she was so loud and unfeminine, perhaps her humorous comment actually rang a little too true. So Katashi-kun had attempted to arrange some kind of marital agreement earlier this afternoon, as well as a few others the past couple of weeks, but it was more for her land than anything else. She wasn't stupid, despite what everyone seemed to think. Her Dojo and the surrounding grounds were her only asset to the men that pursued her, and Kenshin, who had no interest in such things, would have no reason to want to attach himself in that way to such a pig-headed, sweaty little girl as she.

_'Who would?'_ her thoughts echoed her previous words dismally as she fiddled with the delicate pink blossom in her hands. She was such an idiot sometimes. Kenshin had obviously only wanted to cheer her up by offering her the stupid thing, and she had childishly jumped to conclusions.

"Kaoru-Dono, I-"

"It really is getting dark out, huh?" She cut across him, just wanting to get home and put this whole embarrassing thing behind her, forcing a smile and walking quickly away. "Let's go."

Still clutching the flower as she strode off, Kaoru had to fight the urge to throw it away. She didn't want to take this out on Kenshin. It wasn't his fault, it was hers. From now on though, she would make sure not to repeat the same mistake. Maybe she should even consider some of the proposals offered to her? After all, her parents had been all but strangers when they first met, and they had grown to love one another. Perhaps she could be as lucky?

000

_'I would.'_

The words echoed around Kenshin's head mockingly as he wandered home from the market a few days later. Why hadn't he just said it? It had been on the tip of his tongue, but for some reason he couldn't seem to get it passed his lips.

_'I would, Kaoru-dono,'_ he thought again with a heavy sigh. _'I would give you flowers every day if only I could.'_

If only he didn't freeze up every single time he tried to tell her. Every time she looked at him with those huge, hopeful eyes, waiting, but almost afraid of what might come next. Kenshin had such little experience with these things that he really had no idea what he was doing. He was lost, having thought that she already understood his feelings, and not having even the faintest idea of where to begin now he knew that she didn't.

He had meant to begin laying foundations as quickly as possible after the incident in the Akabeko, but now he knew he had made some kind of mistake by offering her the flower. Had it been too much too fast? She had certainly seemed shocked, but at first he had though her pleased. Kaoru had thanked him, and the warmth in her eyes and voice had touched the chords of his heart beautifully, making him almost forget himself entirely and pull her into his arms.

The way she _looked_ at him. It never failed to leave him breathless, as though she saw something really worthwhile and wonderful in him, as though he were her hero and could do no wrong in her eyes.

Since that afternoon though, something had changed. Something between them that had been stretched taut the last few weeks had at last snapped and Kaoru no longer could meet his eye. She barely spoke to him and she would find reasons not to eat with him, spending much of her time inside the Dojo or in her room. Kenshin didn't know for certain what he had done, but he knew he needed to fix it. He suspected he had somehow frightened her with his sudden advance, perhaps she realised his intention and didn't know how to reject him.

Certainly he knew she had no problem turning down men with designs on her as a woman, but being her friend made it more difficult for her. Kenshin knew her well enough by now that she wouldn't want to hurt him.

He should have been more careful. He had just rushed right in, not giving her any time to recover from Katashi-kun's proposal only a few hours earlier, because he was desperate to let her know how he felt. Now he had scared her. Or worse, backed her into a corner and made things between them unfixable.

All he knew for certain right now was that things couldn't continue like this. Kaoru had something that was bothering her already without him burdening her with his own feelings. Right now he needed to remind her that no matter what, no matter his love for her, no matter if she reciprocated or not, she could count on him always. He wanted to help her, for her to rely on him, and even if she could never care for him as anything more than a friend, he would always protect her and do anything in his power to make her happy. Whatever it was that was troubling her, his stupidity aside, he would find out, and he would take care of it. When that was done, he would fix their relationship, no matter what that might mean.

Trying to ignore the way his gut constricted painfully at the thought, Kenshin stopped in front of the Dojo gates. Her happiness was his treasure, and despite how it tore at his soul, he could force himself to let her go if that was it took to make her smile.

Steeling himself against his inner turmoil and the part of him that still flatly refused to give up Kaoru to another, Kenshin took a deep breath and opened the gate. As he walked along the path past the Dojo, he was surprised not to hear any sign of practice happening within. Yahiko should be having his morning lesson now, even if Shinichi was done. Frowning in confusion, Kenshin continued to the house, wondering vaguely if perhaps they were taking a break, and trying not to worry. As he came up to the engawa, however, he released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding as Kaoru's voice floated out from the partially open Shoji of the dining room.

"I understand your reservations, Sanjo-san," she spoke quietly, the seriousness of her tone causing him to stop in his tracks. "But Yahiko-kun has been my student for almost two years now, and he is a reliable and honourable young man."

Kenshin almost dropped the packages he was carrying in shock. Yahiko-_kun_?

"While he is not related to me by blood, I consider him as a brother and a close, trustworthy friend," she continued formally. "He is hard working, and while he is still very young, he will grow to be a man of great worth and integrity."

"That is all very well, Kamiya-san," answered the voice of a woman that Kenshin recognised as Tsubame's mother. "But besides his good character, the boy has very little going for him. He is still very young, as is she."

"I understand, and I agree," replied Kaoru amicably. "He is not proposing anything for now, or even soon. He simply wishes you to acknowledge his intentions. He loves her, and I believe, she him. Surely that must count for something?"

"Of course we want our daughter to be happy and be with a man she can be proud of, but what good is a husband who cannot support her or their offspring?"

Husband? _Offspring?_

Kenshin's mouth fell open at the implications of what he was hearing. Kaoru was arranging marriage between Yahiko and Tsubame? But they were both so young still!

Even as he thought it he realised that he was being foolish. Traditionally these things were taken care of years in advance, and he supposed that with no one else around to speak out for him, Kaoru had been the obvious choice.

"You need not worry that Yahiko-kun has nothing to offer financially," Kaoru continued, a heated edge that perhaps not everyone would notice entering her voice as she defended her student. "He will inherit half of my lands upon coming of age, as well as his share of proceedings from whatever the Dojo makes each year and a sum of money upon his wedding so that he and Tsubame-chan can find a home to raise their children. He would, of course, move out of his current establishment when that time came."

A smile touched Kenshin's face. Yes, Kaoru was the obvious choice for Yahiko to bring this matter to. The two might fight like cat and dog at times, but the connection they had to each other and the friendship they shared was something he knew they both cherished. The bond between master and student was always great, but Kaoru and Yahiko were closer even than that. They were family.

"They would not live here?" Sanjo-san asked, apparently confused.

Kaoru cleared her throat gently before answering, and Kenshin could make out the faint tinkling of china as she poured tea. "No. Yahiko-kun and I have already discussed this matter and he has expressed his wish for Tsubame-chan and he to live on their own to begin with. As I'm sure you understand, this is our family home so they would always be welcome, but I have no plans to leave."

"I suppose there is your lodger to consider, too," Sanjo-san commented blandly. "Will he remain here, also?"

Lodger, huh? Kenshin shook his head slightly, deciding it was an improvement on 'guardian' and wondering vaguely what other assumptions people had come to about him staying with Kaoru.

"Himura-san will remain here for as long as he chooses," there was a warning note to Kaoru's voice that he found pleasing, despite how he flinched at hearing her refer to him so formally. "He owns a small percentage of the Dojo already, so he has as much right to live out the rest of his days here as I or Yahiko-kun do..."

Kenshin sat down on the floor as her words echoed around his mind.

"...Although I would appreciate it if that remained between us for the time being," she continued, her voice becoming quiet. "He has no knowledge of this matter yet and I have no plans to tell him any time soon. I'm certain you heard of the unfortunate mix up last year regarding my supposed death?"

"Indeed, Kamiya-san," Tsubame's mother confirmed even as Kenshin tried to find some kind of order to his thoughts and sort through the emotional turbulence that assailed his senses. "We were all gravely saddened by your loss, and equally relieved by the news of the mistake."

"Thank you, Sanjo-san," Kaoru replied gravely. "The experience made me realise that I had a responsibility to those around me, and so I have divided my land and possessions accordingly. I consider Yahiko-kun my heir of course, but Himura-san is... a very dear friend who has saved my life on more than one occasion. It is important to all of us that he always has a home to return to."

For a moment Kenshin thought his heart would break in two in the face of this woman's incredible love and compassion. Despite all she had been through, despite everything that had happened with Enishi and the way she had been used, her concern had been not for herself and the fact that she could have quite easily been killed at any time, but for those she had left behind. He wanted to rush in there this instant and wrap her up in his arms, refuse her generosity and praise her to the skies all at once.

He didn't want the land, and as tears he refused to shed stung his eyes he knew that she must realise that. What she didn't seem to realise was that all he wanted was her. _She _was his home. He loved Kamiya Dojo almost as much as she did, but without Kaoru, it would be nothing more than a patch of earth to him. Did she truly not understand that? After all they had been through, could she honestly not know?

"Kamiya-san, I hope you will forgive me for asking you this," Sanjo-San sounded genuinely apologetic as she continued. "But with you giving away all of your land and, I can only assume, your own dowry, how do you ever expect to make a good match yourself? You are young still and not unattractive. If it is a case of having no relatives to take care of the matter, perhaps your friend Himura-san would speak for you?"

In his emotional state, Kenshin jumped back to his feet and it was only sheer force of will that kept him from shouting out his fury at the suggestion. Thankfully, Kaoru's unusually dulcet tones gave him pause enough to keep his peace as she replied. "Thank you, Sanjo-san, but I have made certain to keep enough back for my own needs, whether I should marry or not."

"Do you plan to, then?"

Heart in his mouth, Kenshin waited desperately for her answer.

"I don't know," her voice was suddenly tired. "I suppose we'll see what happens."

000

Kaoru sighed heavily and poured herself more tea. Sanjo-san had left a little while ago looking thoughtful, which she hoped was a good sign for Yahiko, and now tired from the stress of having such an important task had finally caught up to her. A little smirk tugged at her lips as she lightly drummed her fingers against the tea cup, the brief burn of the ceramic against her fingers oddly addictive. Just referring to Yahiko with an honorific alone was enough to make her have to use all her concentration, let alone the poise and formality on every other count, too.

She knew that Tsubame's mother would be judging Yahiko based on her own performance, as much as the kid's own attributes, so it was important that she left with a good impression. Without any family of his own, and this first meeting generally being arranged by the women of the household, it was something that Kaoru knew he had no one else to go to. In truth, she had been touched that he'd asked, and proud of him for taking it so seriously. Of course they were both still too young to actually be married, but with time turning so quickly now, he wanted to make sure no one else got there before him.

She had been more than happy to don her best kimono and make herself look and behave in the most respectful way she knew how if it meant securing some happiness for her student and Tsubame. Because she couldn't be with the one she loved made her all the more determined to see to it Yahiko could be. Perhaps when this was taken care of, she would even take a trip to Kyoto and attempt to knock some sense into Aoshi.

Her thoughts automatically tried to turn in the direction of Kenshin, but she blocked it out with a shake of her head. No, she wasn't going to keep torturing herself like this anymore. Kenshin was her friend, and that was all. That was enough. She would go and talk to Tae later and tell her the decision she had reached to try and find a husband. She didn't want to be alone forever, and Kenshin could leave at any time. He would always be her good friend, her _best_ friend, but she would move on and be content with that. She had to. Maybe even one day she would be able to look him in the face without feeling like she was going to dissolve into a pile of heartbroken misery.

For now though, she would concentrate her efforts on Yahiko. Resisting the urge to reach up and touch her hair, which felt oddly heavy in the more sophisticated and formal style she was currently sporting, Kaoru instead picked up the tea and drank it carefully. She hoped she had done enough for him. Certainly the Dojo didn't make that much money each year, with having so few students of its own, and that was common knowledge, but she hoped the land and the sum she had taken from her own dowry would be enough to tempt them.

Kaoru had made a point of not asking how much Tsubame's own dowry would be, although she knew that if they accepted Yahiko's suit, she would have to in order 'seal the deal' but she hated that it seemed to always come down to money and fortune. She didn't like that people still seemed to think it was appropriate to barter off their children, but she supposed that had her father been alive, he would have to do the same.

Kaoru smiled a little as she thought about her father having to sell her off like a piece of fish that was almost past its best and stroked her thumb gently up and down the tea cup. She suddenly felt a strange tingling sensation run down her spine, and turning automatically to the partially open Shoji, she saw Kenshin standing and watching her with the most gentle smile she had ever seen lighting his eyes. Instantly feeling her face heat up to comical levels as she realised how ridiculous she must look all dressed up like this, she nearly knocked over her tea and began to stutter.

Before she could get any kind of coherent word out, however, he chuckled lightly. "Ah, there you are. I was beginning to worry."

"W-what do you mean?" Kaoru found she was suddenly unable to cope with the warmth with which he was looking at her, and turned her eyes back down to the table. "I've been here all morning."

She heard him enter quietly and tried desperately not to look up as he knelt beside her. "Now I see, but I entered expecting to see Kaoru-dono, only to wonder for a moment if I had somehow fallen into a painting."

Utterly confused by his cryptic answer, Kaoru raised her eyebrows and looked back up at him blankly. "You come out with the most bizarre things sometimes, do you know that?"

For a moment it didn't feel uncomfortable, and Kaoru smiled a little. It was almost like old times, where she could poke fun at his funny ways and she could pretend they were okay, because they were. He was smiling at her so strangely though, as though his eyes were filled by some unfathomable emotion that she didn't dare try to describe.

She wasn't going to do this to herself any more. They were friends, and she was going to treat him as such. Trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere, Kaoru lifted her hand to shove him playfully, only to find her hand caught in his. Blinking rapidly at the sudden contact, she looked up from her captured hand back to his face, only to glance quickly away again as her heart demanded that she definitely saw something shining there that she knew in her head couldn't be.

_'You aren't doing this to yourself any more, remember?'_ She thought as she kept her eyes determinedly on the table, trying to ignore the way his fingers were so casually caressing her own. She could feel him watching her and she knew that if she blushed much harder, her hair would probably catch fire. Still, Kaoru couldn't pull her hand away. She knew she _could_, he was holding her very lightly, and she knew that she ought to, for the sake of her own sanity, but somehow she just couldn't do it.

His other hand wavered as if to touch her further, before reaching up to very carefully tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Again she glanced at him in surprise and he smiled almost apologetically as he lowered his hand and placed it gently on top of the one that still held her.

"I just meant that you look..." Kenshin paused, apparently searching for the right word before clearing his throat quietly and continuing. "You look beautiful, Kaoru-dono. You don't look like yourself at all. "

His words were like a shard of ice through her heart, and before she knew what she was doing, she had snatched her hand out of his. He looked so shocked by her reaction, she knew deep down that he hadn't meant to be cruel, but she couldn't keep her pain from manifesting itself as anger. Anger with herself for continually being so stupid and getting her hopes up. Anger with him for hurting her, even accidentally. For allowing herself to become hurt by his honesty and for not being the beautiful, demur woman he probably could love.

Kaoru stumbled to her feet, and when he tried to help her, his hands reaching out to steady her jerky movements, she slapped them away. "Well, that's too bad, because I haven't practised yet today, so I'm about to go change into my normal messy self."

"Kaoru-dono, I didn't-"

"Help yourself to tea, Kenshin," she grit out, cutting across his confused, almost panicked words. "I won't be back for a while."

She tried to stride out of the room, but the kimono kept her steps small and she found herself tripping gracelessly through the open Shoji instead. Catching herself on one of the wooden posts, she refused to turn and continued as quickly as she could back towards her room. She could feel tears burning her eyes, but tilted her head back as she walked to keep them from spilling as she yanked viciously at her hair to release it from the many pins that kept it in place.

So he didn't think she was beautiful. So what? She already knew she wasn't, so why was she so upset? She'd heard it countless times from Yahiko, Sano and Megumi, so it wasn't as if she didn't know already.

Kaoru stumbled into her room and slammed the Shoji closed behind her, fingers instantly fumbling with her Obijime as the tears finally streamed silently down her cheeks. When it finally came loose, her shaking fingers began to work on the rest of her Obi, a taunting voice circling her mind as she did. _'Kenshin never said it before. Now you know he only see's you as a sweaty little girl.'_

Clenching her eyes, Kaoru fell down to her knees, still trying desperately to get the kimono off.

000

Standing outside Kaoru's bedroom, hand outstretched to the handle, Kenshin was torn. He wanted to just go in and throw all caution to the winds, but he knew she was changing and part of him wouldn't allow such behaviour. His fingers clenched in frustration as he lowered his arm. He could hear her undressing through the thin Shoji, her movements jerky and violent as if she wanted to rip the clothes from her body.

She was crying, too. Not to make noise, and perhaps to the casual ear it might not be noticeable, but her breathing was ragged and uneven, shuddering quietly with every exhale. It tore at him to know he had caused it.

Running his hands through his hair in agitation, he gripped at the roots and stared at the closed door in indecision. He hadn't meant it the way it had come out, of course he hadn't. He just wanted to compliment her, but something in Kenshin's mind had tripped over itself, and in the blundering back-pedal he had managed to hurt her feelings instead. He had _really_ hurt her. Kaoru's bright, blue eyes had shone with pain and horror at his words and he realised instantly what a terrible mistake he had made.

Releasing his hair, heedless of the strands he tore out with the sudden movement, Kenshin stepped towards the door again and made as if to open it. Once again he froze, his fingers now touching the handle gently. His whole body felt like a coil of springs wound so tightly they could release at any given moment, but still he waited, listening as Kaoru whispered brokenly. "Stupid, stupid girl. _Pathetic_."

He heard her hand hit the floorboards and again his own dropped back from the Shoji. He couldn't go in, his conscience wouldn't allow him to, but he couldn't simply leave her like this, either. Kaoru had such a forgiving nature, he knew she would forgive him his stupidity, already blaming herself somehow, but he couldn't let her. Kenshin wouldn't allow her to.

"Kaoru-dono," he spoke quietly through the Shoji and heard her gasp in shock as all movement ceased. "Please may I come in?"

There was a brief moment of silence, before he heard her scramble across the floor and click the latch into place to keep him out. Kenshin could tell she was sat right next to the now locked door, her breath coming out in short, sharp gasps that she was apparently trying to stifle. If he looked hard enough, he thought he could just make out the shadow of her curled up outline, and refusing to give up, he knelt so that he was next to her. Kaoru could apparently see his own shadow too, jumping back slightly and despite the dire situation, Kenshin couldn't keep a small smile from tugging at his lips.

When he was sure that was all the answer he was going to get, he tried again. "Please don't lock me out, Kaoru."

He had hoped that by dropping the formality he knew she hated he could calm her slightly, but at his words her reaction was to lash out and hit the Shoji between them. As he jumped slightly, a small sob escaped her at last and he felt his heart twist painfully in his chest. She couldn't even speak to him, and through the thin paper, he could see her fist was still pressed up against the screen, her shaking form causing the whole door to rattle quietly.

Kaoru's distress was eating him alive, and knowing that she wasn't going to let him in any time soon, Kenshin lifted his hand from his lap and gently placed it against where he could see hers was. They would have been touching had the door not been in the way, and he was surprised when she didn't pull away. Hope rekindling, Kenshin spread out his fingers so that his whole palm was resting against her still clenched fist through the paper and waited.

After a few moments, her breathing had begun to even out and the rattling her shaking body created calmed. He watched in fascination as her tightly wound fist slowly, so very slowly, unclenched itself and her own palm lay against his. He could feel her warmth through the rice-paper screen, wishing he could just break the damned thing down and hold her properly.

"Won't you open the door?" Kenshin asked her at last, his voice quiet and wistful. He heard her sigh quietly, and waited on edge as she seemed to consider his request this time.

When she answered, her voice was far more calm than he would have expected. "I can't. I'm not dressed."

"I don't c-!"

Kenshin stopped, horrified at what he had almost just said, and in the ensuing silence he heard her laugh quietly.

"No, I don't suppose you would," she sounded pained, but still level. "But whatever we are, if I'm your friend or your sister, I'd still rather you didn't."

"You are _not _my sister, Kaoru-dono," he told her firmly, wondering if that was how she saw them, or if there was so much more to all of this than he had first assumed. "But you are my friend. My good friend, and I have hurt you. I would like to apologise, but I would much rather speak to you face to face than through your door."

"Well, that's something, at least," she whispered, and he couldn't help but wonder if had been meant to hear that or not, as she continued louder. "You didn't hurt me, Kenshin, I hurt myself. It's fine. It's not like I haven't heard it before. Just forget it."

Something about her words struck him as strange. While it didn't excuse his behaviour, he realised that she _had_ heard it before, and worse. His words had been a fumbled slip-up that had just come out wrong, but Yahiko, Sano and Megumi often made fun of her, calling her all sorts of horrific names and painting her with slurs that often made him angry. The only thing that had kept him from reprimanding them was that Kaoru had never seemed to mind. Oh, she would bluster and shout about it, but he knew she was never really upset. So why had his own words caused such a devastating reaction? What was different about him to her?

"Alright then, if I must do it like this, then I will, because I refuse to simply 'forget it'," he said, a suspicion creeping up on him with each passing moment. "I did not mean to imply that you are not usually beautiful, Kaoru-dono. You are always beautiful, inside and out, and I would never change a thing about you, for anything. I simply meant that while today your beauty was different, you did not really look like my Kaoru-dono, and I missed you. Whatever anyone else may say, or whatever you may believe, I think you always look the _most_ beautiful when you are yourself."

It had been hard for him to speak so freely of something so close to his heart, Kenshin was almost glad of the locked Shoji. Without waiting for a response, his fingers pressed carefully but firmly against hers, still divided by the door, before her let go and stood. Without another word, he left, making certain she heard him do so, and stopped just around the corner, waiting silently.

It was a few moments before his patience was rewarded, and from his hiding place, his sharp hearing picked out choked, whispered words that Kaoru had meant for no one but herself.

"How? _How _can I stop loving him... when he says things like that?_"_

000

In the end, Kaoru hadn't gone to meet Tae. Yahiko had come over in the afternoon to see how her meeting with Tsubame's mother had gone, and after telling him truthfully that she didn't know for sure, she had told him she didn't feel up to lessons today and sent him with a message to her friend to excuse herself. Yahiko had watched her with concern, and she knew that she must have looked a bit of a state, but the boy hadn't pushed the matter and done as she asked.

She had spent the rest of the day in the Dojo, running repeatedly through every single Kata she knew well into the night until she was exhausted. Kenshin had left her alone, and she was grateful for that. She knew he was around, occasionally hearing him going about his normal business and at dinner, she could smell the food he had made, but despite knowing that she couldn't hide away from him forever, Kaoru hadn't gone to eat with him. Part of her had been afraid that he would be upset with her, and another part of her was more afraid that he would try to coax her out again. When she heard his near silent footsteps approach the Dojo later, she waited with baited breath to see what he would do. Kaoru heard a small clatter and then without a single word, he left again. She tried to forget it and get on with her training.

Hours later, when Kaoru could barely move for exhaustion, she finally exited her sanctuary. Her whole body ached and she was covered in sweat, but she felt better somehow, as though the tension that had been eating her alive had been beaten away with every swing of her shinai. Opening the door, her body was greeted by the gentle caress of cool spring night air. Standing on her tip-toes and stretching her arms up over her head, Kaoru smiled and closed her eyes. It was late, but she would take a bath and go sleep, and in the morning... Well, she would just deal with that when it came.

Coming back down to earth and shaking out her twitching muscles, Kaoru suddenly saw that right next to the door there was a tray of ongiri and tea, and she realised that Kenshin must have brought it earlier. Feeling a little guilty for ignoring him all afternoon, especially after he had apologised so beautifully, she frowned down at the tray and sighed. That was exactly the problem though, wasn't it? He hadn't meant to hurt her, she knew he hadn't, and he hadn't meant to get her all mixed up with her feelings either, but still, she was. She didn't know if they would be able to fix things right away, but she knew she couldn't stay mad at him.

Slumping down to her knees next to the tray of cold food, she suddenly noticed that lying next to the teapot was a pink Tsubaki bloom like the one he had given her the other day. Blinking in surprise, Kaoru picked it up carefully and twirled the stem between her fingers. All the confusion she had managed to work off was suddenly back again and all at once, she felt like crying again.

_'He's just trying to make up with you,'_ she thought vehemently to herself as she dropped the flower back on the tray and forced herself to stand. _'Nothing more.'_

Ignoring the whole thing and trying to shut her emotions back down again, Kaoru headed towards the bathhouse. She refused to keep burying herself in all this turmoil. She had just spent the better part of her day physically working through it, and with the appearance of one stupid flower, she was back to square one again. She was _not _going to do this. Tossing her head back defiantly she marched across the yard and turned the corner of the house to where the bath was situated, her steps faltered at the lit up building, steam seeping from the windows and under the closed Shoji. Was Kenshin taking a bath at this time of night?

Pursing her lips, she tried to decide if she should just forget it and go to bed, but the way her clothes and hair were clinging unpleasantly to her after the extreme workout she had undergone, she knew she just couldn't. There was no way she would be able to sleep in this state, and frankly, without the aid of a good hot soak, she knew her muscles would all but seize up tomorrow and she would suffer for it.

Kaoru shook her head to dislodge the sudden fear she felt at facing Kenshin and continued towards the bath house. She would simply go knock on the door and ask him how long he would be. Maybe such a simple, _normal_ thing would even help them overcome the events of the day, who knew?

Approaching the door cautiously, Kaoru hesitated for only a moment before rapping soundly against the wood. "Kenshin? Are you in there?"

When no answer was forthcoming, and there was no signs of life from within, Kaoru decided to go around the back to see if he was still at the outside furnace, heating the Ofuro in preparation. Feet crunching on the gravel as she went, she poked her head around the corner and blinked. No, he wasn't there, either. Chewing her lip and placing her hands on her hips as she looked at the happily burning furnace, she knew that it had been tended recently. Was he avoiding her? Perhaps she had really upset him by not answering his apology or joining him for dinner?

Suddenly, the sound of the Shoji clattering open met her ears and she spun around, hurrying back to the front. The door was open, and steam poured out invitingly, but there was still no sign of Kenshin. She felt a twinge of annoyance as she glared at the open doorway, wondering what he was playing at before calling. "Kenshin? Is that you?"

Again she waited, but again she was met with only silence. "Well, it had better be you, and you had better be decent, because I'm coming in."

Despite her threat, Kaoru still waited a moment to see if he would respond, and caught between concern and irritation, she cracked her knuckles and entered. She was careful not to look up past the floor as she went in, and made certain to close the Shoji behind her with a loud bang, but again, there was no sign of movement, so she cautiously looked up.

The bath house was empty, despite the tub being full of clean, hot water, and Kaoru was uncertain if she should just go for it and bathe. It wasn't as if she hadn't tried to call out to him, after all, and if the bath was meant for him, then well... that was his own fault for not answering her.

Shrugging, Kaoru began to carefully disrobe, untying her Hakama and peeling the fabric from her slick skin as she went, when she suddenly realised that she hadn't been back to her room to pick up a fresh Yukata to change into when she was done. Turning to see if perhaps she had left one here previously, she blinked in surprise as she spotted a clean, neatly folded Yukata on a stool in the corner that she recognised as hers, and on top, another pink Tsubaki flower.

She stared with wide eyes at the delicate blossom for a long time, before a small smile tugged at her lips. Well, at least now she was almost certain the bath was meant for her. There was a faint sound from under the window where the outside furnace was, and without even checking, Kaoru knew that Kenshin was out there. For a moment she considered calling to him again, but somehow she knew he would most likely not answer her. She had no idea what any of this meant, and she didn't dare hazard a guess, except that he was trying to make up with her, but give her some space at the same time.

Ignoring the warmth that suddenly surrounded her heart, Kaoru turned her back on the flower and continued to undress. She washed herself vigorously, then sunk into the hot ofuro, her tightly clenched muscles unwinding delightfully. Again her gaze drifted to the flower laying on top of her Yukata, but she quickly looked away again. Kaoru knew that if she could only ignore it, ignore the way her heart skipped a beat every time she heard Kenshin move quietly outside, she could face him tomorrow and they would try and be normal again. Whatever that meant.

When she was done, she stood from the deep, hot tub and grabbed a nearby towel to dry herself with, she heard Kenshin stand and walk away. So he wasn't going to stay and try and talk to her tonight at least. She was glad really, if only because she had no idea how she was supposed to be reacting to this strange behaviour. Well, that wasn't strictly true. She _knew _she was supposed to react by smiling and thanking him for his thoughtfulness, letting him know she forgave him and they were still 'good friends' but what bothered her was that she wasn't exactly reacting that way. She was reacting like a silly little girl with a crush, which, she supposed, she was.

Taking a deep breath and blowing it back out childishly between her pursed lips, Kaoru dried herself a little viciously, and carefully moved the flower from her clothing. She picked up her Yukata and placed the bloom back down on the wooden stool, dressing herself and leaving it behind when she left, extinguishing the lamps as she went and heading back towards the house.

Wrapping her arms around herself against the now chill breeze, Kaoru opened the Shoji and entered the house. As she walked towards her room, she was a little startled to see that a light was coming from inside. Frowning a little, Kaoru opened the door and looked in surprise at her ready laid-out Futon, the small, freshly lit lantern next to it, and another pink Tsubaki laying on her pillow.

Kaoru couldn't keep the quiet chuckle from escaping her at his strange persistence, and leaning back out of her door, she smirked at his own dark, silent room beside hers.

Still smiling and shaking her head, Kaoru spoke quietly. "I know you're there, you know."

He opened his door softly, and sitting, leaning casually against the frame, he smiled warmly back at her. His eyes were again sparkling with that gentle, indescribable emotion that she had seen earlier today, causing Kaoru to once again flinch and look away. He didn't say anything, and neither did she, the silence pressing down heavily on them both.

Kaoru was suddenly afraid, not of him, but of herself. She had made so many foolish mistakes and assumptions, with him now this close and the emotional wreckage that she had become today, she didn't trust herself any more. Her face was heating up again, and she stuttered. "T-thank you for... For this. I should... I should get to bed. It's late."

He didn't move or say anything, and she stepped back into the safety of her room, mumbling. "Goodnight Kenshin."

Closing the door, Kaoru all but fell into her futon, blowing out the candle and grasping the pink Tsubaki in her hands as she lay down. She knew she should get rid of it, keeping it would only torment her further, but she just couldn't seem to put this one down for some reason. Sighing, Kaoru closed her eyes and let the exhaustion of the day catch up, trying to get to sleep as fast as possible so she wouldn't have to think. Just as she was drifting off, she heard the faint sound of Kenshin's Shoji close, and unsure if it was a dream or not, his voice whisper, "Goodnight Kaoru."

000

Watching Kaoru complete her morning ritual of glaring pensively at the calendar and yesterday's date, Kenshin couldn't keep the faint smile from his face. Her hand kept lifting to rip the page off, then lowering again, then lifting, then lowering. It was as though she truly believed she could stop the passage of time by leaving the date incorrect. She looked so suspicious of the calendar, as if she blamed that one inanimate object for the situation she was in, and it was adorable.

As he surreptitiously watched her battle it out with the offending paper page, he understood why today was taking a particularly long time. Today was the fourteenth, the date she had apparently been dreading. He had thought long and hard about how he should deal with the information, not knowing if it was best to confront her or simply let the day pass like any other before it, and even now he wasn't entirely decided. After yesterday, he didn't really know how to handle anything anymore.

She loved him. She loved him and had no idea that he loved her in return. After finding out, it had taken all of his self-restraint not to carry out his previous threat and break down her door, only the sound of her continued tears stopped him. He wanted to be with her, offer her comfort, pour his whole heart out to her before showing her exactly how much he loved her, how he had always dreamed of doing, but something in him just refused to. Kaoru deserved a proper courtship. She deserved to be romanced and spoilt as he knew she never had been, and however difficult it was, he would do just that.

There was so much still unsaid between them, throwing away all propriety and forcing entry to her bedroom wouldn't solve it. Kenshin wanted her to know that when they finally were together, it was because he loved her as she loved him. He wanted her to know that she was the warmth in his eyes, the breath in his lungs, the fire in his veins. Kaoru was his world and he didn't want to cheapen that in any way by surrendering to his tightly locked passion. She deserved so much better, and she deserved to know completely what was in his heart.

The problem was that he still didn't really know where to begin. She was still upset with him about his stupid mistake yesterday, and he realised now that she was more than likely trying to repress her own feelings, misinterpreting his caution for neglect. He needed to find a way to tell her plainly, but he didn't trust himself not to make a complete mess of it like he had the day before when he'd tried to compliment her. They had seemed to make far more progress when he didn't talk at all, showing her that he cared instead, as last night seemed to prove. Still, he knew that if he continued to say nothing, she would never know, and that was unacceptable.

Kenshin knew that he was naturally an impulsive person, and that it was only through learning the hard way and great personal discipline that he managed to keep that covered up most of the time, but right now he wondered if it was the best way he could handle the situation. After all, his choice to stay at the Kamiya Dojo in the beginning had been more impulse than judgement, and look where that had led him.

Continuing to watch Kaoru's own indecision regarding the calendar, Kenshin suddenly realised what it was that he wanted to do. Balancing caution with instinct, he very quietly walked up behind the young woman, and before she even realised he was there, reached out in front of her, and tore off yesterday's page. Kaoru automatically jumped back, turning slightly as she shrieked in shock and fell right into his chest. Before she had the chance to right herself however, he wrapped one arm around her small waist, placing his other hand firmly on her shoulder and smiled.

Kaoru's parted lips trembled as she tried to work out exactly what had just happened, her wide, surprised eyes looking up at him in mortification. Part of him knew that he should let her go now, but somehow, having her falling into his arms like this was just too comfortable to pass up.

"What do you think you're doing!" she squeaked at last, her cheeks colouring up beautifully in such a familiar way that he wanted to kick himself for not realising how she felt before.

"Helping." he admitted, a little more cheekily than he had first intended. Kenshin knew he _really _should let her go now, but he vaguely noticed how her fingers were clutching the fabric of his sleeves. She would fall if he let her go, and that wouldn't be very romantic at all. The fact that Kaoru was a perfectly able sword master that could stand on her own two feet when most women would faint didn't even enter into the equation.

Unfortunately, Kaoru suddenly seemed to realise the position they were in and began to shove him away. "You didn't have to... you didn't have to sneak up on me!"

"No, I didn't," Kenshin admitted, letting her go when he was sure she could stand. Watching her pant a little and look away from him in embarrassment, he reached out his hand and brushed his fingers under her chin. Kaoru's eyes immediately shot up to him as he ran the pad of his thumb along her jaw before releasing her with a warm smile. "Will you forgive me?"

As though afraid of what she saw, Kaoru turned from him and swatted his hand away, mumbling. "Don't do it again."

He watched her fondly as she all but stomped away from him into the kitchen, wondering again how on earth he had ever doubted what she felt for him when it was written all over her face.

000

Kaoru didn't understand what was going on. For some reason since yesterday something strange had happened to Kenshin, and since this morning he had been all but following her about like a lost puppy. It wasn't as though he was stalking her, exactly, but unlike normal days, he couldn't seem to just stay out of sight and let her get on with her day.

She was growing irritated, really not wanting to spend every waking moment pretending to be 'good friends' right now, but he seemed intent to keep her company whether she liked it or not. Frankly, if it had been anyone but Kenshin, she would more than likely have told them to get lost already.

He had, if it was at all possible, been _more _attentive than usual throughout breakfast, sitting right next to her instead of across the table, and on more than one occasion, calling her by her first name without the customary 'Dono' attached to the end. She would have called him on it, but his hands were continually brushing against hers by accident, dislodging her thoughts until she had no choice but to make a hasty retreat back to her room.

Kaoru had taken her time changing for her morning lesson with Yahiko and Shinichi, trying to get her raging emotions back under control again even as he flesh tingled strangely. When she had exited her room at last, knowing that what she needed was a good work out, she had met her students in the Dojo and almost dropped her shinai when she saw Kenshin seated comfortably to the side, just smiling that strange, enigmatic smile of his. Before she could even ask him what he was doing, he had simply come out with the fact that he would like to watch today's lesson, if she didn't mind?

Yes, she damned well _did _mind, but how could she say that to him? At least Kenshin had returned to his usual usage of 'Kaoru-dono', putting her a little more at ease. A little.

It wasn't as though he hadn't watched her teach before, but unless he was keeping her company at another Dojo, he never sat through the whole thing. Kaoru knew that if she said she'd rather he left, he would either think she was still mad about yesterday afternoon, or knowing his penchant to worry, that there was something darker afoot. She had forced a smile and nodded, situating herself firmly with her back to him as she taught. Of course, this didn't help her much when Yahiko kept looking behind her, then back to her, raising an eyebrow and smirking, but she soon put paid to that with a few sharp, precise swings of her shinai.

Trying to ignore Kenshin's presence was difficult, and throughout the whole of the lesson she felt conspicuous and uncomfortable, as though his eyes were burning into the back of her neck the entire time. Eventually unable to stop herself, she turned to look at him, to find his eyes doing just that. For a split second, his gaze was boring right into her as if he was trying to see her very soul, but as soon as their eyes made contact, he was just smiling lazily at her again. It was right then that she knew something definitely strange was happening.

When the lesson finally finished, Kaoru went to wash up and change, calling an invite to stay for lunch over her shoulder to Yahiko and Shinichi as she made her hasty exit. At least if one or both of the boys were there, the peculiar atmosphere that had been lingering might lift a little bit.

Once she was clean and dressed in a fresh Kimono, Kaoru went to the kitchen, only to find no one but Kenshin waiting for her. He had explained that both boys had to get to work and so couldn't join them. She wasn't sure how well she managed to hide her disappointment, or her surprise when Kenshin once again dropped the 'dono' from her name, but he continued to talk as he cooked, about the lesson, how good Yahiko was getting and how well Shinichi was coming along. Kaoru felt cornered, and simply went along with it as best she could in defeat.

When they sat to eat, he once again took up his new position at her side, and at one point when he seemed intent to press his shoulder against hers without even realising he was doing it, Kaoru almost smashed the teapot into his face.

Again having no choice but to make a run for it or risk inflicting some kind of grievous bodily harm on him for somehow having such a massive lack of personal-space-awareness today, Kaoru stood and made an excuse that she was meeting Tae for tea. It wasn't strictly true, but she _had _to get away from him, and she did really need to apologise to her friend for leaving her high and dry yesterday. Not to mention that right now a good woman to woman talk seemed to be in order.

Unfortunately for Kaoru, Kenshin seemed totally oblivious to this last and instantly offered to go with her. When she had stuttered incoherently and felt her face transforming to the colour of a freshly boiled lobster, Kenshin suddenly seemed to grasp that she wanted it to be girls only and looked a little crestfallen. She felt like a complete heel and almost back-pedalled, when Kenshin had offered instead to walk her into town, do the shopping whilst he was there and meet her afterwards.

He had looked so disappointed before, she hated to say no to him, and cursing him and his ability to be so adorable without even trying at the same time, she smiled and agreed.

000

Standing at one side of the busy street, Kenshin watched people go by and get on with their lives with unseeing eyes. He was waiting for Kaoru to come and meet him as they had arranged, but he was finished a little earlier than he'd expected. Glancing quickly up at the sun, he knew she wouldn't be much longer and set down the parcels he had collected from the market.

Today had been nothing short of a disaster so far. He had wanted them to spend the day together, but for some reason Kaoru seemed uncomfortable with that and actually, just with him in general. She hadn't said a word about his need to be near to her, apparently barely noticing, or him causally dropping the usual honorific he attached to her name when they were alone, and every attempt at touching her had been brushed aside with a shaky apology, as though she believed it was accidental. She could barely meet his eye, and when she did she looked confused and hurt. He didn't like that one bit.

Completely at a loss of what he ought to do now, if he should persevere or try another tactic, Kenshin sighed and rubbed his face in agitation. Perhaps he wasn't trying hard enough? After all, he could hardly expect her to understand and accept in just one day. Kaoru wasn't the kind of woman that could be forced into anything she didn't want to do. She had to be coerced and coaxed along, until she was certain in her choices and could move courageously forward. She was actually just as impulsive as he was, throwing herself into the things she believed whole-heartedly, and while he hoped that one day one of those things would be their love for one another, right now he knew he still had a lot of making up to do.

He wished briefly that he could simply trust himself enough to come out with his feelings as he saw Western Gaijin doing frequently, no matter who was watching, but somehow trying to find some way to express the immense well of emotion he felt for her was near impossible feat.

Not for the first time that day, Kenshin wished Sano was still here. The younger, less inhibited man was much better with this kind of thing than he was, and Kenshin knew that there was no one else he could trust enough to take this problem to. Of course, the ex-gangster would probably laugh his bandanna off if he knew that Kenshin had mistakenly believed he and Kaoru had been courting for the last seven months, a fact that now made him just want to put his head through a wall for his stupidity.

"Excuse me, Himura-san?"

Kenshin looked up to see a young man standing in front of him, looking a little nervous. It took him a moment to recognise him as Tatsuha, one of the instructors from the Maekawa Dojo and blinking rapidly in surprise, Kenshin smiled politely. "Good afternoon, Tatsuha-kun. Can I help you with something?"

"Actually Himura-san, I had something to ask you," the young man continued, nervously twisting his hands together and glancing at the floor. "About Kaoru-san."

Eyebrows raising instantly, Kenshin once again took in the boy's nerves and the faint blush that made him look like a little girl about to confess to a crush. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind that Kenshin had to try not to groan aloud. Surely not this again? And so soon after Katashi-kun had tried too! What had gotten into all of these young men lately?

"Indeed?"

That seemed to be all the opening Tatsuha needed, "it's just that there have been so many rumours lately, and normally I would have spoken to a relative, but she doesn't have any, and with the rice planting coming up so fast now, I wrote to Maekawa-sensei to ask what he thought, because he's known her for so long and well... well, he said I should speak to you, Himura-san."

"I'm sure he did," Kenshin muttered darkly, knowing that the old Sensei probably had a better measure of things than even Kaoru did at this point. Trying not to show his irritation, he continued carefully. "So what is it you would like to speak to me about?"

Tatsuha looked taken aback, as though the answer should be plain, and in truth it was, but something slightly perverse inside Kenshin wanted to make this young man sweat. He wasn't a bad kid by any means, at least not as far as he knew, but still, right now his thoughtlessness seemed to know no bounds.

"Well, I..." Tatsuha faltered slightly, and Kenshin realised that the look on his face right now must not have been all that friendly. "I wanted to ask your permission... to court her."

It took Kenshin a moment to reign in his temper, and when he finally did answer, his voice was still laced with a venom he couldn't quite seem to dislodge. "Are you aware that Yahiko, who is twelve, has more manners than you do?"

"Huh?"

Tatsuha looked so shocked that Kenshin almost felt sorry for him. Almost.

"Are you really asking me for permission to court and wed Kaoru-dono in the middle of a public street?" He levelled the younger man with a cold look, his tone hard and snarky even as he tried to remain civil. "Perhaps when Maekawa-dono suggested you speak with me, this wasn't exactly what he had in mind."

Tatsuha turned bright red and bowed formally. "Please forgive my rudeness, I meant no disrespect to either of you."

Without a single word more, the young man turned tail and all but fled, leaving Kenshin with a twisted sense of satisfaction. Shaking his head in disbelief at such stupidity, he smirked and turned around... To be face to face with Kaoru.

Heart lurching, he realised at once from her bowed head and tightly clutched hands that she had heard far too much, and come to her own conclusions. To her it must have sounded as though he was acting as a go between, much as she was for Yahiko. As though he were giving his blessing for her to marry someone else.

"Wait, Kaoru, I can explain..." He wasn't entirely certain that he could, at least not without making a specticle of them both by professing his love for her in the middle of the road as he had just reprimanded the younger man for attempting and admitting how insanely jealous he was becoming of these repeated proposals she seemed to be getting.

As though his voice triggered something, her head suddenly popped up, a bright smile on her face as she asked cheerfully. "Was that Tatsuha-kun?"

Completely thrown by her sudden change in demeanour, Kenshin could only nod, waiting with baited breath for the storm he somehow felt was coming. Kaoru, however, seemed to have other plans and brushing past him, she pursed her lips and watched Tatsuha walking quickly down the street.

"That's too bad," she sighed. "I wanted to ask him how Maekawa-sensei was doing. Did he mention anything to you?"

"He, uh... he mentioned he had written to him." Kenshin's pulse was racing as he watched her pout. She was acting so normal. Too normal, even. This was Kaoru as she had been before all this trouble started, and it confused him. Had she really not heard?

"Oh well, I guess I'll catch him some other time," she shrugged nonchalantly, tossing her head back and grinning. "Shall we go?"

He watched as she spun around and began to walk through the street of people, hands behind her back and head tilted up towards the sunshine before bending down to retrieve the shopping and following her. She can't have heard. But then, why had she looked so devastated when he had first seen her there?

Kenshin thought hard as he watched her walk ahead, a small spring in her step as she went. Her head had been bowed, her dark hair shielding her eyes from view, so maybe it was his frantic mind playing tricks on him at seeing her there? She seemed fine, but that was almost what was bothering him the most. He felt uneasy, his nerves twanging with each step he took even as he heard the faint strains of Kaoru humming quietly to herself. Perhaps he should just take the bull by the horns and tell her?

"Ah!" She gasped suddenly once they were clear of the main, bustling streets of the town, turning to face him. "I just realised I was supposed to speak to Yahiko about something! You go ahead, I'll be home later, okay?"

He blinked at her in bewilderment. "I can wait, if you would like?"

"Oh, no, don't worry," Kaoru walked right past him and laughed over her shoulder. "I could be a while. In fact, I might drop by the Maekawa Dojo to see how things are coming along with the new Sensei and catch up. I'll probably be home late. Really late."

"Kaoru-dono, I really-"

"I'll see you later, okay Kenshin?" She cut across him and began to run back into the bustling town without giving him a chance to say more.

Standing alone in the afternoon sun, he almost went after her, but ultimately decided against it. Kaoru obviously wanted to get away from him, and until he'd had a chance to sort out his muddled thoughts, he didn't trust himself not to make it worse.

If he had followed her, however, he would have seen her stumble down the nearest alley, and fall to her knees as she cried out her broken heart.

000

Over a week had passed since that awful day in the market, and Kaoru had made certain that she was busy training at other Dojo's from dawn until dusk. There was always work for her if she needed it, but she didn't accept it too often because she hated to abandon her own Dojo. However, now with Yahiko more than capable of teaching Shinichi basic manoeuvres, it was easier to use this excuse to hide away.

She found she could barely stand to be around Kenshin anymore, her whole body on the verge of dissolving into dust whenever he was near her, or so it felt. She kept up a cheerful façade of course, because she needed something to hide behind for the times they inevitably ran into each other, but it still hurt. Kenshin tried to talk to her frequently, and she supposed that he might be able to tell she wasn't quite right, but she didn't want to have the conversation she knew was coming, and always made a hasty retreat.

Kenshin was trying to help marry her off to another man, and it tore her soul to pieces every time she thought of it. He thought he was helping, and she supposed that in any other situation she would have been grateful, but when the man she loved was happy to assist her finding a husband, she just couldn't bring herself to say thank you.

It didn't help matters that every single night this week, she had gone to bed to find a pink Tsubaki laid upon her pillow. It made her cry every single time, and while she knew she ought to ask him to stop, or simply throw them away, she had kept all of them in a small vase. Kaoru didn't understand why he persisted, until she caught him watching her with eyes full of worry and confusion. She hated to be the cause of that, but she knew that if she confessed to him everything as her heart was screaming for her to do, things would become far worse between them.

Right now she was dealing with things the best way she could manage, and while it hurt now, Kaoru knew it would fade. Eventually.

Standing before the calendar, hand fiddling with the corner of yesterday's page as though it was an old friend she was loath to part with, Kaoru dragged in a deep, shuddering breath. Things were moving so quickly now, she would be glad when all this trouble was out the way. She had spoken to Tae on more than one occasion now, and kindly, her friend's father was going to take care of certain matters on Kaoru's behalf. She was glad of his assistance, knowing that no matter what she did or how she tried, only a respected male could handle this situation for her now. A respected male that _wasn't _Kenshin.

Wincing slightly, she forced herself to tear off the page and looked desolately at the new date. It was here at last. One more day, and it would all be over.

"Won't you tell me what is troubling you?" Kenshin's quiet voice from right behind her caused Kaoru to jump and spin around to face him. There was something glinting in his eyes as he looked at her, his whole body tense and his jaw set.

He looked as worried as she felt, but she automatically fell back on her defence and smiled cheerfully. "Troubling me? Nothing is troubling me, Kenshin."

"I had thought I understood," he continued, as though he hadn't heard what she had just said. "But still your eyes are filled with dark clouds. Still your sleep is uneasy."

Kenshin walked slowly over to her, and reached a hand up until it hovered just over her cheek as though he was afraid to break her. Kaoru wanted to run. She needed to get away from him before she embarrassed herself and crumbled right before his eyes, but the roughness of his voice stopped her, his own emotions choking him slightly as he continued. "Still you look more at this calendar than you do at me."

"Kenshin..." she all but whispered, her love for him and her inability to ignore his pain causing her cheerful mask to drop for the first time in days. "Are you alright?"

His lavender eyes widened in surprise and he blinked, before he smiled in disbelief. Kenshin's hand that had been a hairs breadth away from her cheek closed the remaining distance and his fingers brushed the skin there even as it flushed with embarrassment.

He shook his head and chuckled. "And just like that, she returns. For how long, I wonder?"

The pain of his accidental rejection faded to the background as Kaoru frowned with concern. He was speaking as though to himself, and she wondered if he even realised he'd said that out loud, before lifting her own hand to place on his forehead and check his temperature. His eyes closed gently and he seemed to lean into her touch. She noticed the faint rosy tint to his cheeks and her worry for him grew.

"Are you unwell?" She persisted, trying to ignore her own turmoil in the face of his obvious pain. "Maybe you should rest today. Your face is all red and-!"

Before she could finish, Kenshin had suddenly moved forward and pressed his warm lips against hers. The unexpected kiss was sweet and chaste, and before Kaoru had a chance to react at all, it was over. He pulled back, his eyes watching her warily even as his hand remained on her cheek, and she hiccupped in shock.

Kaoru had no idea what to say or do, her heart stopping and her breath coming in short, shallow gasps as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. He had kissed her. He had kissed her as she had always wanted him to, but for some reason her mind just couldn't seem to digest that fact and offer up a reaction. She could only stare, completely arrested by the way her lips tingled pleasantly and caught in the warm glow of his gaze as he continued to watch her. His cheeks really were pink, and all at once, a reaction presented itself.

"You're ill, Kenshin," she whispered, looking down and away from him. "You should go to bed."

"I'm not ill, Kaoru," he replied hoarsely, and Kaoru squeezed her eyes shut to try and stem the tears she felt stinging there. Kenshin tried to lean towards her again, but she blocked him by placing both of her palms flat against his chest and trying to push him away. Her hands shook feebly and he didn't budge even an inch despite her efforts.

Leaning her whole weight into her arms in an attempt to gain even an inch, Kaoru tried to ignore the way his thumb ran along her jaw as she insisted. "You _are _ill. You need a doctor. You need to-"

"I am not ill, Kaoru," Kenshin repeated, this time with more force. "I am perfectly healthy, and I want you to-"

"No, please Kenshin," she pushed harder against him, her whole body shaking as she tried to reign in her emotions. "_please. _There has to be something. You have to be ill. You _have_ to be. I can't... I can't keep..."

_'I can't keep falling in love with you.'_

Suddenly both of his hands were on her cheeks and forcing her head back up, his voice desperate. "Kaoru, why are you doing this? Can't you see?"

She shook her head, no longer trusting her voice, and tried to escape his hold. She couldn't see anything, because her eyes were still closed. She couldn't see because she didn't want to. She was confused and afraid, and nothing made sense any more. She didn't want to hurt herself again, and if she put her faith into his words and actions as her soul demanded, she was risking more heartbreak than she knew she could bear.

"Please Kaoru," he whispered. "Please. Open your eyes."

Trying to steady herself, Kaoru grasped the material of his Kosode between her fingers, clinging for all she was worth, "I... I..."

"Oi Kaoru! Where the heck are you?"

Yahiko's voice yelling from the front yard sliced right through them both, and before either of them knew what had happened, they had sprung apart. Kaoru turned her back on Kenshin and wiped furiously at her eyes even as the sound of the boy's running feet stomped closer. She didn't want to be seen like this.

"We're going to be late to see Tsubame's parents!" He shouted, slamming open the Shoji. "Did you forget or what?"

Clearing her throat and running a hand over her hair, Kaoru spun around to walk out of the room without so much as looking at either of them. "I'm sorry Yahiko, let's go."

"Kaoru..." she paused as Kenshin's soft voice floated over to her, slightly hesitant, "...Dono. We will finish this conversation later."

"Tomorrow."

After all, tomorrow all this trouble would be over.

000

Kenshin had been sat on the same spot all morning. His head was resting on his hands, legs crossed and staring intently down off the edge of the engawa to the dirt below. Next to him sat a stone cold cup of tea that he hadn't touched at all since making it in an attempt to calm his frayed nerves from earlier. He had made a real mess of things now. Even more than he had previously.

Not for the first time, Kenshin shook his head slowly in bewilderment as he wondered how he hadn't clicked that she was dressed in her formal kimono again, indicating that she was meeting Tsubame's parents. The truth was, she had shut him out so completely lately, he was beginning to lose his grip. The sight of her staring pensively at the calendar again, when he had been _so sure _that it was the 'anniversary' of him leaving her for Kyoto that had caused all this trouble had broken something in him. All his restraint just seemed to go out the window, and he was acting entirely on impulse. If only he had noticed. If only Yahiko hadn't come in. If only he could make her see how much he loved her!

Sighing, he felt bad for blaming Yahiko. It wasn't the boy's fault at all that he was too traditional to be able to express himself in front of others. If he had asked him to leave, he knew he would have done, but Kenshin would never want to be the cause of him looking bad in front of Tsubame's parents, so he had settled for Kaoru's promise of talking tomorrow instead.

How to make her see though? It had disturbed him greatly to see her deny her feelings with such desperation, as though she could barely stand to be near him. He knew she loved him. He knew she did. The question was why was she trying so hard not to? Had he really hurt her so badly?

Again, Kenshin shook his head slowly and sighed as he glared at the ground. Of course he had. She had been in love with him, he had given her hope, and then, because of some stupid sense of misplaced concern for her welfare, he had all but ignored the fact for seven months. Remembering his reason for not telling her how he felt sooner made him angry with himself. Kaoru was strong and courageous, and if she loved someone, then no amount of danger would ever stop her. Nothing would. He should have realised that much sooner and spared them both this agony.

Still, despite how he had stepped up his attempt the past two weeks, she still seemed resistant to his advances. He knew he had upset her with his back-handed compliment, and he suspected that she had both heard and misinterpreted his 'talk' with Tatsuha-kun last week too. Who knew how many other mistakes he had made, and subsequently hurt her with?

If he wasn't absolutely positive that she loved him back, he would by now have been doubting the fact. And he _was _positive. Not only because he had heard her say so when she thought no one was listening, but because she kept the flowers. She could have quite easily have thrown them out or asked him to stop, but she hadn't. She had filled a vase with water, and added each new bloom to it every single night.

Then there had been the way she reacted to him kissing her. There had been denial, much more than he had ever anticipated, and there had been hurt and confusion, but amongst all that, behind the myriad of emotion that had crossed her face, there was hope. Hope that he had not seen shining in her bright, blue eyes for far too long.

Remembering how it had felt to have her lips pressed against his, even as softly as this morning, was enough for what little was left of his restraint to crumble. He had been so close to winning her, so close to her accepting and believing that he truly loved her, and his ridiculous sense of propriety had ruined it all. Well, tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow he would see to it that they would not be disturbed, and then he would make her see. He knew he could convince her if he simply let go, and for her he would do it.

"So what did the pebble do to piss you off so much?"

For the second time today, the unexpected sound of Yahiko's voice startled him. Glancing up quickly, he saw the boy at the Dojo gates and frowning at him a little. Kenshin smiled, both in greeting and in bemusement at himself for becoming so distracted he had not sensed Yahiko's approach.

"Good afternoon, Yahiko," he stretched out the kinks in his back and straightened. "How did it go at Tsubame's?"

The boy wandered across the yard with his arms folded seriously. "Kenshin, can we talk? Man to man?"

Kenshin blinked in surprise, then smiled as the boy took a seat beside him. He hoped that this meant there was good news with the Sanjo family. Things with Kaoru and himself would work out if it was the last thing he ever did, but he wanted Yahiko to be happy, too. For the boy to take such a big step so young, it must mean a great deal to him.

"Of course, Yahiko," he replied. "What can I help you with?"

Yahiko took a deep breath and stared hard at him. "Tsubame's parents have agreed to let me court her. We aren't engaged yet or anything, and everyone agreed we shouldn't until we're older, but formally, I'm her suitor."

"Yahiko, that is truly excellent news," he patted the boy on the shoulder whilst grinning happily. "I am happy for you both."

"Thanks Kenshin," Yahiko looked mildly embarrassed, but pleased too, before the serious look returned to his young face and he frowned up at him once again. "But that isn't what I wanted to talk to you about."

The smile faded from Kenshin's face as he realised his young friend was clearly struggling with something. "What is it?"

"You know that since Kaoru adopted me as her heir to the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu that makes me the closest thing she has to a male relative, don't you?"

Kenshin quirked an eyebrow at this. Surely no one had been fool enough to speak to Yahiko concerning Kaoru and marriage? That was almost... ludicrous. He was only twelve, and while he often displayed great inner strength and pride, to approach a child about such matters was beneath ridiculous.

Yahiko growled a little as he huffed out a deep breath. "The thing is, Kenshin, she hasn't spoken to you about this herself because... well, you know how she feels about you, right?"

Kenshin nodded silently.

"Right. Well, she hasn't spoken to you about this herself, but..." Again Yahiko faltered, glancing around uncomfortably before steeling himself and blurting. "But the rice planting festival is _today _Kenshin! It didn't matter last year because me and her were in Kyoto trying to find you, and we were sharing a room, so they left her alone, and all the years before she had her father around. This year, I don't know, I'd kind of thought you would have both got your act together, but now she's asked Tae's father for help, and I just don't know what she's thinking!"

"Hold on, Yahiko, I don't understand," Kenshin was completely confused, but that was now the second time this 'rice planting' festival had been mentioned. He knew today was the day the first rice was planted, everyone knew that, but it was more of a rural festival, so he failed to see what it had to do with Kaoru. He rubbed his face quickly and asked. "What does the rice being planted have to do with anything?"

Yahiko looked back at him blankly. "Kenshin, don't you know about the tradition of Yobai?"

Smiling in a lost sort of way and shrugging, Kenshin shook his head. "Night crawling?"

"Huh. Well, I guess that explains a few things," the boy raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. "On the day of the rice planting festival, the unmarried men sneak into the rooms of unmarried girls and well... well, it's normally agreed to by family first, as like a pre-wedding, uh... test run, I guess."

Kenshin's mind imploded.

"Because I'm officially Tsubame's suitor now, her father gave me permission to guard her door tonight," the boy continued matter-of-factly. "Like I said, it's meant to be all arranged by the families and stuff, but you know, sometimes you get idiots who drink too much and think it's okay to do whatever they like, so I just wanted to be sure she'd be alright."

"I... I see," replied Kenshin weakly, still trying to grasp exactly what it was he was being told.

"The problem isn't Tsubame, Kenshin," said Yahiko. "The problem is Kaoru. For a long while everyone assumed you two were... well, you know... married or whatever, but then nothing happened and Kaoru kept denying it and all the men realised she was still up for grabs."

"Yahiko!" Kenshin reprimanded sharply, not liking where this conversation was suddenly going.

"Sorry, alright, but you need to understand," his young friend shrugged, despite looking incredibly uncomfortable with the situation of explaining such things to an older man. "I didn't think anything of it, except that Kaoru was getting more and more worked up, but I just assumed you would look after her."

"I will, Yahiko," he went to stand so that he could go and find Kaoru and keep her safe from such a strange tradition. No one was taking Kaoru for a 'test run', that was for certain. "Where is she? I will go and bring her home safely."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you!" Yahiko was suddenly desperate. "I don't think you have any say any more! She's staying at the Akabeko tonight, and everyone is saying she asked Tae's father to find her a husband!"

Kenshin looked down at the boy in horror as he at last understood the implications. "You think she's...?"

"She thinks you don't want her, Kenshin," Yahiko shook his head. "She doesn't believe that you love her and you know what Kaoru's like once she gets an idea stuck in her head..."

He knew alright. Kaoru was so stubborn when she wanted to be. She couldn't be forced to do anything she didn't want to, but when she truly believed something, believed it with all her heart, then she would cling to it like a limpet to a stone. Staring off into space as he thought about the woman he loved waiting in bed for another man, his knuckles went white with the force he was gripping the handle of his sword.

He would just have to give her something better to believe in. He would give her himself. Every tiny piece of his heart and soul would be laid out before her, and propriety and embarrassment be damned. This 'Yobai' tradition might be a strange concept to him having grown up in the middle of nowhere, but it was still a tradition, and therefore, acceptable. He would go to her side, and he would prove to her that she could not marry just anyone. They were meant for one another, and heaven help any man who tried to interfere, arranged or not.

Without a second thought, Kenshin turned to leave, only to once again be stopped by the sound of Yahiko's gruff voice. "You know what? I'm a little offended."

"What do you mean, Yahiko?" He frowned, turning back to face the boy.

"Well, as I already said, _legally _I'm the closest thing Kaoru has to a relative," Yahiko stood and placed his hands on his hips, chin jutting out slightly in challenge. "But no one has come to me to ask permission to court my sister. _No one_, Kenshin."

It only took a moment for him to realise exactly what his young friend was trying to say, and with a faint smile, touched by Yahiko's protectiveness of Kaoru, Kenshin returned to where he stood. Bowing low and with utmost formality, he asked, "Please Myojin-san, forgive my rudeness for not coming to you sooner, but I would like to ask for your permission and your blessing to wed your sister, Kamiya Kaoru. I have very little to offer her save for the love in my heart, but for as long as I draw breath, she will never want for anything I can provide, and she will always be safe and cherished. I humbly place this request before you, and hope that you will find me suitable."

"I've given your request a lot of thought, Himura-san," replied Yahiko, with equal formality as he bowed. "And I have decided that you can save that romantic crap for her."

000

Kaoru was having trouble sleeping. She couldn't say for sure what the time was any more, having dozed off several times through the night so far, causing her to lose track. In the unfamiliar guest room above the Akabeko there wasn't a clock, so all she really knew was that it was late. In truth she hadn't really expected to sleep tonight at all, with one thing and another, but she had got to the point where her nerves were such a mess, she had basically forced herself to try.

Keeping her eyes closed, despite how awake she felt, she took a deep, shuddering breath and wondered how Kenshin had taken the news she wouldn't be home tonight. After their confusing meeting this morning, she hadn't been able to face him again, especially to tell him she was staying with Tae. Kaoru hoped that he hadn't gone to her friend's house to find her, since she wouldn't be there, but Yahiko had promised to take care of it for her, and she trusted him.

A smile twitched her lips as she remembered how happy he had been when Tsubame's parents had accepted his claim as her suitor, and how he had then instantly asked permission to guard her tonight. Kaoru knew she should have realised that his sudden rush had something to do with the tradition of Yobai, but she was still proud of the little man. And a little jealous.

Rolling onto her side, Kaoru tried to relax and go back to sleep. Falling back on her training, she went through some basic breathing exercises and clearing her thoughts, she began to feel herself drifting off. When she first felt warm arms wrap around her as somebody slid into the futon and hold her back against them, she thought she was dreaming. It was only when cool lips brushed against her cheek that her eyes snapped open and she knew what was happening.

"Shh," hushed the man behind her, obviously feeling her muscles stiffen in shock as he pulled back slightly.

"Like hell!" She growled back, and without a moment's hesitation, twisted out of his gentle embrace, grabbing her concealed bokuto under the mattress as she rolled away. Alone in the Akabeko guest room, she had made certain to douse all of the lights so no one would realise there was anyone staying here tonight, Kaoru could only make out a vague shadow laying on her futon and propping himself up on an elbow as he watched her. She cursed the fact that the only candle in the room was unlit and behind him, but held her ground, knelt with her weapon held in readiness to defend. She hadn't asked Tae's father to ward off her potential suitors and give her a place to hide for nothing!

"Who are you?" She demanded. "I don't know how you found me, but I'm not interested, and I won't hesitate to break a bone or two to get that point across."

He didn't answer her, the darker area that was him in the already pitch room not so much as fidgeting as she threatened him. Kaoru waited for only a moment before continuing. "I'm warning you! You're lucky I haven't already clobbered you for kissing me like that!"

There was a low, rumbling chuckle, and her heart leapt in recognition even before he replied. "You didn't seem to mind as much earlier today, Kaoru."

Her bokuto lowered in shock as her eyes narrowed. "No. No, it can't be."

Kaoru heard rather than saw him move and sit up, her pulse thundering in her ears as her heart denied what her head already knew. His eyesight was far better than hers in the dark, and as she heard him light the small candle, flaring to life across the small room, she couldn't believe it when a mass of red hair filled her vision. This time she dropped her bokuto.

"No," she repeated. "No, this isn't happening."

"It certainly isn't happening the way I had expected," Kenshin agreed, turning to face her with a mocking smile she had never been on the receiving end from him before, "but after I realised you were here alone and you were being deliberately inconspicuous, I admit that nothing seemed to be what I had first been led to believe."

"How did you find me?" She breathed, still completely shell-shocked to find him here, her over-wrought mind flatly ignoring that he had been in her bed.

"Yahiko led me to believe you were, shall we say 'taking part in local traditions' tonight," Kenshin smirked again. "Though I think that perhaps he has deliberately mislead me in an attempt to counter your own careful concealment of certain facts."

"That little..." Kaoru couldn't believe that Yahiko had sold her out! "I should have known better than to trust that... that brat!"

"Perhaps," he conceded, standing and walking to where she was still crouched, her back to the wall. "You definitely should have known better than to not trust me, though."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She snapped, becoming immediately defensive. Kaoru didn't like the triumphant glint in his eyes, or the way he seemed so suddenly imposing, standing over her like this. "It's not like I lied to you."

"No?" Kenshin knelt before her on one knee, elbows crossed casually on his leg, and his eyes lit strangely as he searched her face. "So this morning when I asked what was troubling you and you assured me all was well, that was entirely honest, was it?"

She was taken aback for only a moment before she countered, "That was for your own good!"

"It was, was it?" The smirk was back. "And how is that, I wonder?"

"I didn't want you to worry!"

For a moment his eyes softened and he looked down to the floor and shook his head. However, when he looked back up at her, his expression was nothing short of challenging. Moving quickly, he reached out a hand to cup Kaoru's chin firmly and causing her to gasp. "Do you honestly believe that I cannot tell the difference between the joy of your true smiles and the shadow of something forced?"

"You do it," she whispered accusingly and the mocking smile suddenly faded. "You always hide how you really feel, but I... _we _don't complain because we all know you aren't doing it to hurt or deliberately deceive. Aren't I entitled to the same understanding?"

Kenshin frowned slightly at that and sighed. "The answer should be yes, I know, yet somehow I find I cannot so easily agree. You are not naturally secretive and this vain attempt to spare me has only hurt us both."

She tried to look away from him at that, but he held her firm and continued. "You have the most expressive eyes of anyone I have ever met, Kaoru. I can see the pain and the fear and I find it disturbs me greatly, but still I would not swap that honesty for anything in the world. Do you not trust me?"

"I... of course I trust you." Kaoru lowered her lashes and felt herself blush as his thumb rubbed softly against her cheek. It was never a question of not trusting him, but rather not knowing the right words.

"Then tell me," he persisted, ducking his head slightly to try and catch her eye. "Please?"

Kaoru didn't answer him, her mind shutting down as he inched closer into her personal space. He simply watched her, searching her eyes as though trying to solve a puzzle. Something in her wanted to escape, but held by both his steady gaze and his warm hand, her back pressed up against the wall, she found she couldn't move.

Suddenly he smiled, and it was the warm, gentle smile she knew and loved. Instantly more at ease, Kaoru barely suppressed a squeak of surprise as Kenshin leaned across and scooped her up into his arms, standing fluidly and taking her with him. It only took him a few short steps to reach the futon, and when he carefully placed her down, she was utterly baffled by his actions. She watched in confusion as he seated himself next to her, and with one last smile, he leaned back and blew out the tiny candle.

"Kenshin!" The cry of his name was automatic as she was plunged into darkness, instantly afraid that he was leaving her. Reaching out to where he had been sitting, she was relieved when he caught her outstretched hand with his own and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Her sight wasn't as good as his was in the dark, and even worse now that she had become accustomed to the light, so when his other hand held her shoulder and encouraged her forward, she followed. Kenshin's hands pulled her towards him, manoeuvring her into his lap. When she realised, she tried to pull away, but is arms wrapped carefully, but firmly around her body and held her close.

"Stay with me here a while, Kaoru," he said quietly, resting his chin on the top of her head as he gathered her closer into the warmth of his embrace. "You said you trusted me, did you not?"

There was something oddly comforting about the darkness and being surrounded by him in this way. Kaoru knew that she should be mortified by their intimate position, but she simply found herself relaxing into him as she nodded silently in answer to his question. Her head was resting against his chest so she knew he would be able to feel the movement. She listened intently to the sound of Kenshin's oddly rapid heartbeat and felt the sigh he breathed before she heard it.

"Then tell me," he repeated his earlier words quietly. "Tell me that you did not ask Tae-dono's father to arrange for you to meet with a man tonight."

000

Kenshin felt her stiffen in his arms at his question, but he forced himself to answer only by squeezing her a little tighter. He waited with baited breath for her answer, believing and hoping he already knew.

Kaoru relaxed again slowly and curled up a little smaller in his arms. "No, I didn't. I couldn't."

Despite having already surmised as much, his heart turned over in exultation. It was all Kenshin could do to keep himself from throwing her down onto her back and kissing the living daylights out of her in his triumph. Still he managed to settle for simply running his hand down her back and around her small waist to rest on her hip. He felt he shiver slightly at the intimate action and couldn't keep from smiling.

"You asked him to help you keep them away?"

She nodded once and muttered. "He let me hide here tonight and helped me spread the rumour that I had given away all my land and dowry to... to Yahiko."

Kenshin smiled again at her near slip-up, but didn't say anything as she continued a little forlornly. "I knew that was all they were interested in. Once the gossip grew momentum, I was left alone and I just had to duck out of the way until all this rice planting business was over with."

"You were afraid that someone would dishonour you by force?"

Even as the question left his mouth, anger at the idea snapped viciously inside him. He would never allow such a thing to happen to her. She nodded silently once more and he held her closer as he whispered. "Why did you not come to me?"

"Because you obviously didn't have the slightest idea about this stupid tradition and I couldn't even begin to explain it," Kaoru tutted a little peevishly, before adding more quietly. "Besides, I didn't want to. I couldn't."

"Why not?" His voice was husky with suppressed emotion and in his blissful state, he almost didn't catch her before she tried to pull away. Thankfully he was both quicker and stronger than she, but still she fought back.

"I just didn't want to, alright?" she snapped angrily, and he almost hated himself for using force to keep her in his arms against her will, but he wasn't about to let her go now. "Maybe you're perfectly happy for me to go off with a complete stranger, but I'm _not._"

"I don't want you to go off with anyone, Kaoru," he admitted honestly, and she seemed to calm a little at this. "I just want to know why you changed your mind about finding a husband."

Kaoru stopped struggling entirely at this, but he could feel her muscles locked tightly together even as he pulled her back closer to him. She didn't resist, but she didn't relax either, and he absently rubbed his cheek against her soft hair while he waited patiently for a response.

"Who says I changed my mind?" Her voice was wary and he ran his hand again down her spine, taking his time and enjoying the ridges and dips as he went, in an attempt to comfort. "Maybe I just don't want to marry. Not all women are born to be wives and mothers you know."

"No," he agreed amicably, breathing in slowly and inhaling her scent as though she were a drug. "But if that is the case, I know a man who will be most unhappy."

"If you're talking about Tatsuha, then-"

"I knew you had misunderstood," Kenshin interrupted quietly, bowing his head to rest against hers. "You thought I was encouraging the boy."

"You were!"

"No Kaoru, I was not."

He reached down and slid his hand to cup the back of her neck, tilting her head back so she was looking up at him. He knew she couldn't really see him, having doused the light in an attempt to help them both open up more, but he could see her. Her eyes were shining from unshed tears but she frowned up at him resolutely, her determination not to weaken making him want to coddle her all the more. Kenshin leaned right down and tilted her a little further back in his arms as he whispered, "I was informing him that he was not worthy of you, and that you were already taken."

Apparently blind-sided by this piece of information, Kaoru could only blink up at him for a moment before she found her voice, "but I'm not taken..."

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono, but I'm afraid you are," he sighed in mock seriousness, watching her confused and shocked face even as he knew she could not see his small smile. "Yahiko was approached by a man today who requested permission to court you, and he was accepted."

"What!" Kaoru shot forward so quickly that it was only his quick reflexes that kept them from banging their heads together. "Who does that little brat think he is! That isn't a decision for him to make! Why didn't you stop him?"

Hard pressed not to laugh at her violent reaction, and looking with satisfaction that her tears had vanished in exchange for anger. She was now grasping the front of his Kosode, flashing eyes darting about in a blind attempt to make out his face.

"I'm sorry, but I thought it was for the best," he watched her fury deaden a little with horror and defeat, before hurrying on to keep from hurting her further. "I know this man loves you with all of his heart, and I am equally certain that you are at least a little fond of him. I think he could make you happy."

Kaoru now looked uncertain and wary, that tiny spark of hope in her eyes at last before she shook her head and looked away. "I'm not interested."

"No?" He questioned, barely above a whisper as he once again tilted her backwards, leaning over so that his lips brushed her ear. "Don't you even want to know who he is?"

Keeping her eyes tightly shut even as she clung to the front of his Kosode in a way very reminiscent of this morning, she silently shook her head stubbornly. Kenshin stroked her jaw with the tips of his fingers and brushed his bottom lip across her cheek until his mouth was just next to hers. He could feel Kaoru shaking in his arms, her breath hitching as she continued to try and ignore what he was telling her.

"Kaoru, open your eyes," he demanded softly, his mouth touching hers with the barest of whispers. "Why do you continue to shut me out? Please Kaoru, please stop this."

"I... I can't," her choked voice was loud in the silence of the empty room. "I don't want to hurt again. I don't want to..."

"I won't hurt you, Kaoru," he promised almost desperately. "I love you."

Kenshin was surprised at how easily the words came out, even as Kaoru at last opened her eyes and looked at him with such emotion fighting across her face while she digested his confession. She appeared so vulnerable cradled in his arms, battling within herself between disbelief and hope that he was speaking the truth. Unable to contain himself and sit idle while she struggled so, he gave in and kissed her at last, pressing his lips against hers in an attempt to convey how he felt. Sliding his mouth over hers intimately, revelling in how she automatically moulded her body against his, the kiss was far less chaste than the one in the Dojo this morning. Kaoru's hands moved around from the front of his Kosode to slide up his chest to his shoulders as his own hand that wasn't supporting her small weight skimmed down to her hip and tiny waist.

He could have kissed her forever, holding her close to him while the world spun madly, but he knew that they still had issues to resolve and pulled away slowly, briefly sucking her bottom lip as he did. She looked beautiful, eyes glazed and full of stars as she panted softly. He was hard pressed not to just act on his passionate instinct and continue to express how he felt through actions, but held himself in check and regained a little control.

"Kaoru, do you trust me?"

She nodded slowly.

"Then believe in my love for you," Kenshin was all but pleading with her. "Let yourself love me back."

Kaoru's eyes flickered briefly and he waited on tenterhooks as she slowly reached out a hand to brush down his face and touch his hair. Leaning into the touch and turning his head slightly to press his lips to the palm of her hand, Kenshin watched her in fascination. Her vision had probably grown used to the dark again, and while he knew she wouldn't be able to see as well as he could, he knew that she was watching him.

Joy surged through him as for the first time in weeks, he saw Kaoru smile with real happiness and nod again, her words hushed, "I love you, Kenshin. I always have and I always will."

000

With Kaoru still cradled gently in his arms, Kenshin buried his face in the crook of her neck and breathed deeply. He could hear her rapid pulse fluttering next to his ear through her soft skin, matching the rhythm of his own. Inhaling her scent, a wave of euphoria washed over him when her hands reached slowly and uncertainly to his head and stroked through his hair. The feel of her fingers running along his spine caused him to shudder slightly and she paused, apparently startled.

He didn't want her to stop, but couldn't seem to find his voice after her sweet and cautious confession of love, so he simply nuzzled against her throat tenderly and placed a small kiss against her pulse point. Wrapped up so closely to one another, he felt her own tremor at the touch, and after a moment, she seemed to silently understand his own movement and continued to slowly caress his hair and back.

This was peace. This feeling of comfort, acceptance and love was something he had unwittingly been searching for his whole life, and now he had found it, he had no intention of ever letting go again. He smiled against Kaoru's collarbone when he felt her fingers twisting some of his long hair around her fingers and sigh contentedly. He could hardly believe that something so simple as his love, that was so easy to give her, would make her so happy.

Kenshin realised that there was still a question she had not answered, and raising his head, he couldn't help but place a few soft butterfly kisses up her neck to behind her ear as he went. Fascinated by the way this simple action caused a near silent gasp to escape her lips, he placed one last, lingering kiss under her jaw before sitting up and looking down at her. She looked beautiful, her dark, satin hair loose and cascading over his arm where he held her cradled in his lap, her eyes shining with deep emotion and her lips parted and glistening. Unable to repress he urge, Kenshin ran his forefinger across her bottom lips, his breath catching when she automatically kissed the end of the digit.

"Why did you decide against an arranged marriage in the end?" He asked quietly, his voice gentle, as he continued to touch and caress her cheek, her lips and jaw with his fingertips. "Did you know that I loved you?"

Kaoru was silent for a moment, looking through the dark to his eyes as though deciding how to answer the question. Taking his casually roving hand in her own, she turned her head slightly and pressed an innocent kiss against the centre of his palm and closed her eyes, holding him there.

"No, I didn't know," she admitted, her lips murmuring against his hand, her eyes still closed. "I suppose I should have done, but... I just... I didn't believe you could care for such a loud, sweaty girl like me as anything more than a friend."

Kenshin found he didn't like hearing that at all, but filed it away to be tackled later and persisted. "So what changed your mind?"

Finally opening her eyes and placing one last gentle kiss on his hand, she released him and looked away. "When I heard you and Tatsuha-kun... you were giving him advice about how to propose-"

"We have already discussed this," he leaned down and playfully bumped his forehead against hers. "I was doing no such thing. I was simply warning him that he was not worthy of _my_ Kaoru."

She looked back up at him, her eyes wide as she blinked rapidly. She then appeared to choose to ignore him as she continued to answer the question. "Well, whatever it was, I realised that even if you could never love me back, even if you would never want me, no one would ever be..."

Her voice tapered off and she looked away again. Even in the darkness, Kenshin could see the blush across her cheeks and he raised an eyebrow curiously. "No one would ever be...?"

Crossing her arms and staring fixedly in the other direction, Kaoru shook her head stubbornly. So, that was how she wanted to play, was it? Smirking at her persistence, Kenshin decided to try a different way to get her to tell him, and without a word of warning, tilted her all the way back in his arms until she was laying on the futon. She automatically grasped his arms, her slender fingers a delightful pressure that made his heart jump, and before she had the chance to protest, he was laying above her, one elbow propping him up and the other caressing her hip and waist. Leaning down until their lips were barely touching, he closed his eyes blissfully.

"What wouldn't they ever be, Kaoru?" He whispered teasingly against her mouth. "Tell me."

She tried to gain some leverage and kiss him properly, but he moved back quickly and smiled. "Ah-ah. Answer the question."

"Stop bullying me." Kaoru mumbled, reaching to grasp the back his head and pull him back down. This time he found he didn't have it in him to deny her, bringing their lips together tenderly even as he revelled in the feeling of her body pushed up so tightly against his. As his mouth slid passionately over hers, he felt her hands that were once again tangled in his hair untie the small strip of material that held it back into his customary ponytail. As his long hair released and fell like a curtain around them, Kaoru sighed happily into their kiss and he pulled back slightly to watch her face as she continued to run her fingers through the long red strands.

The simple joy of her expression while she slowly stroked and twirled his hair was a sight to behold, and he couldn't help from wondering how long she had wanted to do this for. She was so easily pleased, he almost felt bad for his next action, kissing her once, chastely, before sitting up and tugging his hair from her gentle hands. Kaoru's smile vanished into a small, disappointed frown as he began to tie it back again.

"Kenshin...?"

"Yes, Kaoru?"

"You're being mean."

He couldn't stop himself from laughing quietly at this, watching her pout up at him as he finished tying his hair back into place and leaned down to kiss her again. This time it was she who turned away, his lips only grazing her cheek as she tutted petulantly. Kenshin grinned at her behaviour, but refused to let him deter his plans, scattering a few light kisses along her jaw and down her neck, his hand cautiously stroking the collar of her yukata. He felt her reach up to his hair again, but deftly caught her hands in one of his and lifted them up over her head where she couldn't reach anything.

"Tell me," he repeated, his forefinger now tucked under the overlapping material of her yukata, slowly stroking down towards where it was tied at the waist. "What could they never be?"

Not giving her a second chance to escape, Kenshin kissed her harder this time, loving how her beautiful mouth answered his advances. His spare hand roamed across her abdomen, lingering for only a moment at the tie of her yukata, before moving back up to another point of interest. When the tips of his fingers ghosted over her breast, Kaoru jumped and gasped, her back arching up a little and making him smile. She was panting a little as he continued to caress the soft flesh, and when his thumb paid particular attention to the small, hard bud of her nipple, she groaned low in her throat.

The sound caused every muscle in Kenshin's body to clench violently, his voice becoming gravelly with suppressed need. "Please, Kaoru?"

She moaned again as he ducked his head and kissed the sensitive area, sucking gently through the fabric until she gasped at last. "No one would be...good enough. I... I only ever wanted... you."

Touched by her words, Kenshin sat back up and looked at her, releasing her wrists at last. Their breathing was shallow and ragged, and her eyes fluttered open, revealing dark and glittering jewels that he secretly knew were his alone. She was his alone. She had just admitted it and nothing and nobody would ever come between them again.

Swallowing hard, he watched her lift a hand and caress his cheek gently, an embarrassed smile lighting her flushed face. "I knew then that if I couldn't have you, I would rather be alone."

Scooping her up into his arms once again and clutching her close to himself, Kenshin breathed. "You will never be alone, Kaoru. I promise."

She wrapped her arms around him, and this time he didn't stop her when she untied his hair again. As it came loose and fell about his shoulders, Kaoru pulled away a little from his tight embrace and smiled shyly while tucking a few stray strands behind his ear. He returned the smile affectionately, before placing a reverent kiss on her forehead and tucking her under his chin.

They sat like that for a long while, bodies pressed together, hearts beating as one in the darkness, until Kaoru, with only a small amount of movement, pressed a lingering kiss to the base of his throat. Taken by surprise at the sensual gesture, Kenshin automatically tilted his head back and sucked in his breath sharply. He felt her hands slide under his partially opened Kosode, fingers splayed against his chest as she continued to brush her soft lips over his pulse. His own hands grasped her hips tightly, keeping her body pressed against his as he slowly lay onto his back on the futon.

Now above him, Kaoru's head popped up in surprise, but before she could question the change in position, he had cupped the base of her neck and pulled her back down for a deep and thorough kiss. Her hands pushed impatiently at his Kosode until it was off his shoulder, before she obviously realised it wasn't going anywhere until his Hakama was untied. When he realised her intent and felt her move to change tactics, Kenshin lost any semblance of self-control he might still have been clinging to and moved his own hands from her softly curved hips to the knot holding her Yukata together.

Tongues entwined and hands fumbling, Kenshin felt a sharp pang of desire when she all but tore knot of his Hakama and immediately pulled his Kosode out of the way. Her hands ran up from his stomach to his chest, exploring innocently and demandingly at the same time. He was having less luck with her clothing, and in an attempt to gain more room to manoeuvre, Kenshin cradled the back of her head carefully in his hand and flipped her over onto her back so he was once again above her.

Breaking their kiss and throwing the Kosode from his shoulders, Kenshin leaned back down and kissed her shoulder and throat while finally loosening the tie of her Yukata. Pushing the fabric aside, his lips moved down to the valley between her breasts, pausing to pay special attention to the two pert, dusky nipples that were now no longer hidden from his view. Kaoru moaned low in her throat and writhed in his arms. Her hands fluttered across his back and up his spine until she clung to his shoulders, her head thrown back in ecstasy.

Pulling back to admire her beautiful body, now completely on display, his hands roamed over her stomach down to her thighs and the soft triangle of dark curls between her legs. Kaoru bit her bottom lip and squeezed her eyes shut as his fingers traced the soft mound, desire thrumming through his entire being at the sight of her. His whole body tightened with need for her, but he refused to simply take advantage, and hoarsely whispered. "Tell me to stop, Kaoru."

"No," she whimpered, her legs bowing and tangling with his. "Please Kenshin..."

Needing no further encouragement, his fingers gently probed, finding her hot and slick with her own desire for him. Kaoru gasped and moaned his name, clinging almost desperately to his shoulders, and gritting his teeth against the tide of sensation assaulting his senses at having her this way, he moved a little deeper. Stroking her rhythmically, he felt her muscles clench, and picked up the pace, deliberately feeding the fire in her even as his own threatened to boil over. He knew this would be easier on her if she was relaxed, and the last thing he ever wanted to do was to cause Kaoru pain. He would make this good for her if it killed him.

All at once, she spasmed in his arms, crying out his name as her desire peaked in a way he knew he would never get tired of hearing. Kenshin kissed her gently before withdrawing his hand and shifting positions slightly. Kaoru was breathing heavily, her body as slick with sweat as his own now was, and while he kicked away his cumbersome hakama, he remembered her earlier words of self-disparagement. Running his hands down her sides, under her backside until they settled at her kneecaps, he lifted her a little, running his tongue slowly over her breast and collarbone. He loved the taste of her, the tangy mixture of salt and jasmine caressing his senses as he carefully settled himself over her.

"You're beautiful, Kaoru," he whispered, pressing up against her so intimately that he thought he would explode. "And I've decided that loud and sweaty is exactly how I like you best."

Kaoru sucked in a sharp breath at his words, before sighing sensuously as he pushed himself against her, sinking in slowly. Fear of hurting her battled against his primal need to have her, and crushing their lips together, he carefully eased all the way in. Stars were exploding behind his eyes, but he focused all his attention on the woman beneath him as he whispered words of love and comfort while she adjusted to his body.

When he did begin to move, it was slow and steady, the friction burning and building something indescribable. Kaoru's soft mewling cries surrounded him as he savoured each long stroke, his mouth devouring her with tender passion. Her body was moving with his, following his guidance without inhibition, and soon they were moving with deeper, longer strokes, their cries and shallow gasping breaths mingling together beautifully. He was certain he would go up in flames, when her body clenched and fluttered around him, her loud cry of pleasure finally pushing him off the edge, his own shout of release hoarse as they fell from the heavens together.

Languid and full of nothing but deep love for the woman who had given herself to him so fully, Kenshin gathered her up and held her tenderly. Kaoru sighed happily, snuggling against him as he pulled a blanket over them to keep the spring chill away while they rested and placed a few sweet kisses against his chest and shoulder before falling into a deep and contented sleep.

Kenshin closed his eyes and simply basked in the warmth of their love. It had been the strangest day of his life, from trying to convince Kaoru that he loved her, finding out that Yahiko and Tsubame were officially courting and attempting to swallow the concept of this peculiar festival, Yobai, but he wouldn't have swapped it for anything in the world. Kissing the top of Kaoru's head and gently stroking her back while she slept, Kenshin smiled and closed his eyes to sleep. He didn't know what would have happened between them if not for this odd rice planting tradition. They might have gone on misunderstanding each other for months to come!

Perhaps being a traditionalist wasn't such a bad thing after all?

000

Warm and comfortable, Kaoru could feel her mind slowly beginning to sharpen as she woke up. She had slept so well she decided that waking up wasn't her top priority and kept her eyes closed to try and savour the last threads of a beautiful dream she'd had. Snuggling down further into the warmth of her futon, she still felt as though she was being held gently in the arms she had dreamed about, embraced as though she were the most precious thing in the world...

As she burrowed closer, Kaoru sighed contentedly, and was startled to hear a deep chuckle rumble against her ear. Sleep-drugged bleary eyes opened, trying to focus as her head popped up, and all at once she remembered the night before. A pair of warm, familiar amethyst eyes watched her in amusement when she blushed, and encouraged by his insistent hands, she lay back down and rested her head on his shoulder.

Laying there in the protective circle of Kenshin's arms, Kaoru realised that he was again fully dressed, but that she was not, and blushed a little harder. Her whole body ached deliciously, but the way his hands were slowly rubbing down her shoulders and spine was doing wonders for her heavy, tired muscles. She felt him move slightly to press a kiss to the top of her head, and looked back up at him.

"I know I'm not supposed to still be here," he admitted quietly, smiling at her with such adoration her heart almost stopped. "But I couldn't leave you to wake alone."

Kaoru knew that traditionally after Yobai, the man was supposed to leave as quietly as he had come, but she was glad he hadn't. She wouldn't have wanted to wake up to an empty bed, and the feeling of being in his arms this way was an experience she knew she never wanted to miss again.

Kenshin was still watching her, his fingers brushing up and down her spine and Kaoru had the overwhelming urge to kiss him. Biting her bottom lip she glanced away in embarrassment. Last night it had been dark. She hadn't been able to see him at that had somehow caused her shyness to vanish, but now in the bright light of day, she wasn't certain of herself any more. All her insecurities seemed to wash over her, leaving her confused and unsure.

Squeaking in surprise, Kaoru found herself swiftly being rolled onto her back. Eyes wide, her breath caught at the playful gleam in Kenshin's eyes as he leaned over her and cupped her chin in his hand. He watched her for a moment, and Kaoru had the distinct impression that he was waiting for something. Before she could question him, he had leaned down and locked their lips together, kissing her deeply.

When he pulled away again, they were both breathing a little harder, and Kaoru was both surprised and pleased to see she wasn't the only one blushing. Kenshin smiled again and gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. "I have to go. Someone just entered the building."

She watched a little disappointedly as he sat up and collected his Sakabato from beside the futon. Kaoru didn't like it that he was sneaking off like this, and now with nothing but the blanket surrounding her, she sat up too, feeling bereft as he stood. She wished he could stay. When Kenshin made his way to the window and opened the shutters so he could leave, something inside Kaoru broke and before she knew what she was doing she was on her feet and hugging him from behind.

"Kaoru...?"

He sounded a little bewildered and tried to turn, but she held him fast as she whispered, "Don't..."

Kaoru hated herself for being so afraid to be alone, afraid that he would leave and things would just go back to how they had always been. When he tried again to turn and face her, she released him, knowing he was strong enough it was only a courtesy that he hadn't forced her to let go yet.

Wrapped in the blanket, she felt her embarrassment return and looked down at the floor, only to find both of his hands on either side of her face and forcing her to look up into his concerned eyes. Kenshin seemed to suddenly realise something and smiled, pressing his lips briefly against hers.

"I'm going to wait for you at the front entrance," he told her seriously. "And you have exactly half an hour to get ready and leave before I forget all propriety and come to retrieve you."

Kaoru's eyes widened in surprise and his expression softened slightly as he pulled her into a close embrace. "I will not let you go now, Kaoru. I could not. Once you are dressed we will make a visit to the government offices to register our marriage and go home. Is that acceptable?"

She could only nod her assent. What kind of question was that, anyway? Kaoru couldn't stop herself from laughing quietly, before looking up at him happily. "You really want to marry me after so short a courtship?"

His sudden burst of laughter surprised her. "Kaoru, you may not realise this, but as far as I'm concerned, we are already married and I have been courting you for the past seven months."

"Wh... What...?"

"I only found out that you were unaware a few weeks ago," he smiled a little ruefully, his eyes twinkling. "When I renewed my efforts, however, you were still resistant. So when Yahiko informed me of this tradition, I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away."

Kaoru remembered his extra attentiveness the past few weeks, how he barely left her side and all the flowers he left laying around for her to find and felt like banging her head against the wall. Seeming to sense this, Kenshin kissed her again and laughed in a slightly embarrassed way. "As it is, watching you train with Yahiko today will be a trial. I'm not sure I can wait until tonight to have you to myself again."

"Actually Kenshin," Kaoru chuckled, feeling as though her whole body was bright red with embarrassment. "I gave Yahiko today off. He was up all night guarding Tsubame's door to make sure no one tried anything."

"In that case, you have only fifteen minutes before I come back to carry you off and wed you," he kissed her again, lingering for only a moment before turning to exit through the window.

Kaoru couldn't help herself, joy bubbling up inside her as she called, "You realise there will be a long queue at the registry office this morning, don't you?"

"Good," he flashed her a mischievous grin. "That will give people plenty of time to look and get the rumours right for a change."

~End.


End file.
